[League Update] Week 5: Everyone's a winner. And a loser.

I'm starting the blog with Peyton Manning again. It's my blog, dammit. 

Just look at this: 

1) This guy is like 90 years old, 2) He tricked EVERYONE in the stadium and 3) Jogged into the end zone like he was winning the nursing home 5K. Magical. 

His talented geriatric butt helped me take down undefeated and first-place Chicks Dig Scars 96.96-87.46. 

heh heh heh heh RT @eagreene: @RoyaleWCheeseFB why did my first loss have to be against @CoreyInscoe ?! I will never hear the end of it.
— Royale with Cheese (@RoyaleWCheeseFB) October 8, 2013

Oh yeah, that happened.

But seriously, I would be 0-5 if not for Peyton Manning. I'm this close to renaming my team "Peyton and the Horses***s." How in the world did I feel good about this team after I drafted? But, because of Peyton, I've won three straight weeks and moved up to tied for fourth.

It got scary Monday night, though. Matt Ryan and Julio Jones made a furious comeback. Thank goodness they didn't connect on any touchdown passes.

I wasn't the only one sweating out Monday night.

Correctamundo edged past Big Kahuna Burger 77.24-74.48 in this week's "You're sleeping on the couch!" game. He earned the win with 4.7 points from Bilal Powell Monday night.

Another prayer for bodily harm went unfulfilled.

Another week, another plea for bodily harm ... RT @kharrison09 I'm praying Bilal Powell breaks an ankle in warmups today #mustbeatmyhusband
— Royale with Cheese (@RoyaleWCheeseFB) October 7, 2013

Academic Probation squeaked out its first win of the year (!!!) by less than a point because the Falcons defense managed to get three points.

PerpetualMotionSquad also got its first win of the year (!!!) and it would have come down to Monday night if Something's running back, Steven Jackson, had actually played.

In honor of his win, I won't use Perpetual's unfortunate acronym.

The Reservoir Dogs snuck past Cant Be That Hard 110.42-108.28 to win its second game in a row. The Dogs had the highest score of the week and that one did not come down to Monday night.

Two in a row! #ISmellAComeback @RoyaleWCheeseFB
— Manofsteele_13 (@Manofsteele_13) October 8, 2013

Finally, Muscular Mathletes has won a fourth straight game after having the lowest score Week 1. She's now in a tie for first. (I swear that nepotism thing is not happening.)

If you're keeping score at home, you'll know that now every team has at least one win and one loss. This league is wide open.

Now for the awards!

The most fitting Sad Trombone Award of the year goes to Blaupunkt (he plays trombone ... get it?) who barely showed up with a 48 point performance. One player scored in double digits. Ouch.

The You Got Lucky Award is too-close-to-call between Correctamundo and PerpetualMotionSquad, both scoring 77 points in wins. PMS (oopsies) .92 points out of his quarterback, Matt Schaub.

Now for TWEET OF THE WEEK!

Football has been unkind to your commissioner. It's hard to watch the sport when your two teams (Tar Heels and Panthers) have combined for two wins and are so hopeless I'm not sure either will win again.

The only thing keeping me sane is fantasy football.

It's good to know one person is looking out for me.

The force is strong with Darth.... @RoyaleWCheeseFB pic.twitter.com/xbX0Yrt7Ta
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) October 6, 2013

Thanks, Vader.

This week's Thursday game is between the Giants and Bears. If you have players on those teams, decide what you want to do before kickoff Thursday night. Set the rest by Sunday.

Teams with a bye in Week 6: Falcons and Dolphins.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey