I made a visual aid.
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| Color coding is key. |
Let's start with the good.
Dolphins of Old has played itself right into the final championship playoff spot with a six-game win streak after starting the season 0-3. Dolphins averaged 80.9 points in those opening three losses. Since then, the team has averaged 95.77 points, with a high of 125.64 in Week 8. Dolphins has scored less than 94 points just twice in the past six weeks.
In Week 9, Dolphins beat first-place Big Poppa 95-62.
PerpetualMotionSquad, on the other hand, has played itself out of any playoff spot with six straight losses. PMS, you'll remember, was the first team to earn the Twitter avatar this season after being the only undefeated team through Week 3.
In those first three wins, PMS averaged 97.4 points. Since then, the team has averaged 80.9 in six losses, with a high of 95.34 in Week 7. PMS lost to Big Kahuna Burger 91-72 in Week 9.
PMS is no stranger to losing streaks, though. It started 0-4 in 2013, won a game, then lost four more for a 1-8 start. In 2012, PMS started 0-5.
I thought this year might be different for PMS, but, well, it looks like I was wrong.
Inscoe Bowl IV was played in Week 9 and it was ... well ... anticlimactic. There was a bit of trash talk at the beginning, but I'll be honest: I think the Muscular Mathletes have resigned themselves to playing for a top pick in next year's draft.
It did get a little interesting when the Muscular Mathletes took the lead after Sunday night, getting 53 points from Ben Roethlisberger, Torrey Smith and Justin Tucker. But Andrew Luck did his thing Monday night and helped Jeff Fisher's Mullet win 111-85, despite having a wide receiver -- Eddie Royal -- score 0 points.
We didn't even watch the game Monday night. We watched "World War Z." Fast zombies are so much scarier than slow ones.
Hey Something: We need to talk. I know games start early in Hawaii. And I get that it's not your fault that Phillip Rivers scored -2 points (#ncstateshit).
@RoyaleWCheeseFB MINUS two point one eight. Hahaha. pic.twitter.com/PrTFZczIoo
— darinmorton (@darinmorton) November 2, 2014
But you started a wide receiver that was on a bye and lost 91-70 to Academic Probation. That's four straight losses for you and, more importantly, the second week in a row that you've left a bye-week player in your lineup. Losing happens (see: PMS), but apathy is unacceptable. You're on notice!It's good to see that NFL.com is getting in on the joke.
Speaking of Off Constantly, he's this week's winner of the Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions.
Off Constantly has two defenses: the Dolphins and Chargers. They played each other in Week 9. Off Constantly couldn't have chosen more poorly. The starting Chargers scored -4 points. The benched Dolphins scored 22 (four sacks, three interceptions and a fumble). As you see from the score above, that more than covers the margin of defeat.
This week's top scorer was ... Oh, me! Yeah, Mullets! *Pats self on back.*
As much as Blaupunkt tried to warm up that Sad Trombone in a 69-63 loss to Go big or go home ...
Down by less than 8 pts.... Have three players playing right now.... #sadtrombonewarmedup @RoyaleWCheeseFB
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) November 4, 2014
#sadtrombone long-tones and lip slurs, to be followed by articulation exercises and scales....@RoyaleWCheeseFB
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) November 4, 2014
Big Poppa could manage only 62 points and steals the award this week.
Oh, local TV news.
Finally, Turn Down For Watt turned in another strong performance in a 110-97 win over Cant Be That Hard. TD4W (7-2) is now tied for the league lead with Big Poppa.
By the way, have you seen this?
This week's Thursday night game is between the Browns and the Bengals.
Teams with a bye in Week 10: Texans, Vikings, Patriots, Chargers, Washington and Colts. That means I have no Andrew Luck this week. Who is his replacement? Mark Sanchez. Sigh.
Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,
Corey
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