Wednesday, December 17, 2014

[League Update] Week 15: Family drama in the RWC championship

Father/Son Inscoe Bowl IX will the be biggest one yet; It will decide the 2014 Royale with Cheese championship. And it happens that Dolphins of Old's owner and I will be celebrating Christmas together this weekend. That could make for a tense Sunday.

How did we get here? Dolphins of Old blew out semifinal opponent Cant Be That Hard 126-77 last weekend. CBTH only had to players score in double digits: Matt Ryan (21) and DeMarco Murray (20). Dolphins could have had even more points had it started the Patriots defense (18 points) over the Rams D (5). Dolphins also had two players score less than two points: Keenan Allen and Tre Mason. (Yes, I'm worried.)

 Dec 15
Second year running, I've made the playoffs and run out of steam when it really mattered

The other semifinal was much closer. Jeff Fisher's Mullet outlasted regular season champ Turn Down For Watt 97-82.


It came down to Monday night, when TD4W had three players playing -- Matt Forte, Martellus Bennett and Shayne Graham -- and the Mullets had one: Marques Colston. Lucky for the Mullets, Colston scored a touchdown and the Chicago offense is a hot mess. (This evening, the Bears announced that Jimmy Clausen would be the starting quarterback. Jimmy. Clausen.)



Here are some interesting numbers heading into the RWC final:

  • This is the ninth meeting between Dolphins and Mullets. The Mullets lead the series 5-3. 
  • The two teams met twice this season. The Mullets won both, including a 103-101 win in the final week of the regular season to get the Mullets into the championship playoffs.
  • This is Dolphins' first appearance in the championship game. The team has only made it to the playoffs once before: 2011, when the team was called Tobs 11 and finished fourth.
  • This is the Mullets' second appearance in the championship game. The Mullets lost to Taking it to the next level (Go big or go home) 113-69 in the 2011 championship.
  • This is the second year in a row that the Nos. 3 and 4 seeds will meet in the championship. This will also be the third straight season that the regular season champion doesn't win the league.
  • Projections give Dolphins a 115-93 edge, but we all know how reliable those predictions have been.
Academic Probation and The Reservoir Dogs will meat in the finals of the consolation bracket.

Academic Probation beat Big Kahuna Burger 118-72 in the first semifinal and The Reservoir Dogs beat Big Poppa 76-46 in the other semifinal. 

And six other teams didn't play at all last week. Womp. 

To the awards! 

Dolphins of Old was the week's highest scorer with 126. Here's hoping it scores half that this weekend.

The Sad Trombone goes to Big Poppa, which went from taking over the Twitter avatar in Week 7 to playing in the seventh-place game. 

What. Just. Happened?

There's no Jameis Winston Award this week because I didn't notice any egregious decisions in the semifinals. Instead, watch this:



The final Thursday night game that anyone cares about this season is between the Titans and Jaguars. Wait, what? How in the world is that a primetime game? Wow.

No teams have a bye this late in the season.

Best of luck to everyone in the playoffs this week! Except Dolphins. Less luck to you.

Corey
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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

[League Update] Week 14: Everyone #TD4W

Congratulations to 2014 Royale with Cheese regular season champion Turn Down For Watt (11-3). Its owner sat down with me (virtually) to talk about the season and her hatred for RGIII and the Cowboys.



And here's the Turn Down for Watt video I mentioned at the beginning.


The regular season champion has only won the league championship once, the first year of the league (2011) when Taking it to the next level (Go big or go home) did it. In 2012 Correctamundo finished second and in 2013 the Muscular Mathletes finished fourth.

And, yes, TD4W would be the first female champion in RWC history.

Cant Be That Hard may have finished second in the regular season, but it was the season's highest point-scorer. CBTH's 1,450 points is the most in league history.

Four teams tied for second place at 9-5, making Sunday and Monday nights quite tense. One of the teams wasn't going to make it into the championship playoffs. That team was Big Poppa, who had the lowest Points for.

That means that both teams that had the Twitter avatar before TD4W -- PerpetualMotionSquad and Big Poppa -- both missed the championship playoffs. The same kind of thing happened last year, when Chicks Dig Scars (TD4W) lost seven straight games and missed the playoffs after having the avatar earlier in the season.

Father/Son Inscoe Bowl VI was a very tense one. Not only was it close, but Jeff Fisher's Mullet needed the win to make the championship playoffs. Thanks to a poor performance by Keenan Allen Sunday night, the Mullets were down to Dolphins of Old by just 4 points coming into Monday night's game. But Randall Cobb -- the Mullets' most consistent receiver all year -- decided to slow play it. It wasn't until a 20-yard pass in the third quarter that Cobb got to four points. The Mullets won 103-101.

Cant Be That Hard made the playoffs for a second year in a row after a 128-116 win over Go big or go home. Go big is this week's winner of the Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions:



Last week was the rare week where it was smart to start Carolina Panthers players. Jonathan Stewart scored 21 points on Go big's bench. It could have replaced several players in the starting lineup and given Go big a win, knocking CBTH out of the playoffs.

TD4W, which had already clinched a playoff spot, beat The Reservoir Dogs 99-79.

So here is how the championship playoff looks:

  • (1) Turn Down For Watt vs. (4) Jeff Fisher's Mullet
  • (2) Cant Be That Hard vs. (3) Dolphins of Old
That playoff guarantees that we will have a first-time champion this season. 

Here is the consolation bracket: 
  • (1) Big Poppa vs. (4) The Reservoir Dogs
  • (2) Academic Probation vs. (3) Big Kahuna Burger
Big Poppa beat the hapless Something 73-44 in the final week of the regular season, but missed out on the championship playoffs because of the Points for tiebreaker. 

Something wins this week's Sad Trombone Award after having four players in the starting lineup score 0 points. 



The week's highest scorer was Academic Probation, who beat Off Constantly in glorious fashion. Academic Probation won by MORE THAN 100 POINTS, 158-55. I don't want to spend the time looking back at all the seasons, but that has to be the largest margin of victory in league history. It is definitely the second-best weekly total in league history. And Academic Probation didn't even start its best lineup. Switch out the tight ends and the score would have been 14 points higher.

Big Kahuna Burger finished the regular season on a three-game losing streak after falling the Muscular Mathletes 70-62. Aaron Rodgers' big night against the Falcons pushed the Mathletes past BKB Monday night. 

And, finally, in the most irrelevant game of the week, PMS beat Blaupunkt 99-79. 


Blame the media all you want, but Blaupunkt's fall from grace is pretty spectacular. After winning the championship in 2012, Blaupunkt has finished 13th each of the past two years. It's actually surprising. The owner knows his football, pays attention and tries to make good roster moves. Maybe he should consult Mrs. Blaupunkt more. 

Note: If you didn't make the playoffs, I made it so that you can't add, drop or trade players. We don't want a player dump to affect the playoffs. 

This week's Thursday night game is between the Cardinals and Rams. No teams are on bye. 

Best of luck to everyone in the playoffs! I hope we'll have a video previewing the 2014 Royale with Cheese championship next week. 

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs, 

Corey
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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

[League Update] Week 13: Playoff scenarios

There is one more week left in the Royale with Cheese regular season. This is me trying to break down the playoff scenarios.

A little something to set the mood (h/t Muscular Mathletes):



Championship playoffs

The following teams have a chance to make the Championship bracket: Turn Down for Watt, Dolphins of Old, Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet, Big Poppa, Big Kahuna Burger and The Reservoir Dogs.

--The only team in the league that has a guaranteed championship playoff spot is Turn Down for Watt (10-3). If Turn Down for Watt wins, it is our regular season champion. If it loses and Dolphins of Old wins, it comes down to the Points For tiebreaker.

--Dolphins of Old (9-4) makes the championship playoffs if:
  • It wins. 
  • It loses, but so does Cant Be That Hard OR Big Poppa. 
  • It loses, Cant Be That Hard AND Big Poppa win, but it has a better Points For score than Big Poppa, CBTH, OR Jeff Fisher's Mullet.
--Cant Be That Hard (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 
  • It wins AND the Mullets OR Big Poppa lose. 
  • It wins, the Mullets AND Big Poppa win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
  •  It loses, Mullets OR Big Poppa lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, AND Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.
--Big Poppa (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 
  • It wins AND the Mullets OR CBTH lose. 
  • It wins, the Mullets AND CBTH win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
  • It loses, Mullets OR CBTH lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.
--Jeff Fisher's Mullet (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 
  • It wins AND Big Poppa OR CBTH lose. 
  • It wins, Big Poppa AND CBTH win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
  • It loses, Mullets OR CBTH lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, AND Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.
--Big Kahuna Burger (7-6) makes the championship playoffs if: 
  • It wins, Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa lose and it has a higher Points For than two of those teams, AND Reservoir Dogs loses or has a lower Points For.
  • It wins, Reservoir Dogs loses or has a lower Points For, AND two of the following teams lose AND have a lower Points For: Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa.
--The Reservoir Dogs (7-6) make the championship playoffs if: 
  • It wins, Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa lose and it has a higher Points For than two of those teams, AND BKB loses or has a lower Points For.
  • It wins, AND BKB loses or has a lower Points For, AND two of the following teams lose AND have a lower Points For: Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa.
That was entirely too much work for the amount of people who read this blog, so I'm not about to do it for the consolation playoffs.

I'll leave it at this, the following teams have a chance of making the consolation bracket: Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet, Big Poppa, Big Kahuna Burger, The Reservoir Dogs, Academic Probation, Off Constantly and Go Big or Go Home.

The winner of the Academic Probation and Off Constantly game automatically makes the consolation bracket. If they tie ... just ... they can't tie again.

If Go big or go home wins and Big Kahuna Burger OR The Reservoir Dogs lose, the Points For winner gets in the consolation bracket.

If any of this is wrong, tell me in the comments. But I probably won't change it in the post, because that sounds like work and I've had enough Four Roses to not care.

To the week that was!

Turn Down For Watt and Dolphins of Old are the hottest teams heading into the playoffs. They've both won three straight weeks and dominated in Week 13. Dolphins was our highest point scorer of the week, beating PerpetualMotionSquad 153-91.

TD4W beat Off Constantly 97-62, bringing me to the TWEET OF THE WEEK!

Let's be real, that's got to be TWEET OF THE YEAR. I don't see anyone topping that this week. You're welcome to try, though.


Close, Off Constantly. You definitely get one of these


for starting Drew Stanton over Ryan Fitzpatrick. It wouldn't have won the game, but was a 27 point mistake.

A close second was Big Poppa, which started the 49ers defense (5) over the Vikings (22). Pro tip: If you have the defense that is playing the Panthers, start it. Never forget:



Big Poppa was upset by the Muscular Mathletes 83-68. The Mathletes are in a three-way tie for not last with PMS and Blaupunkt.

Speaking of Blaupunkt ...

Don't you put that evil on me! Blaupunkt wins this week's Sad Trombone Award after scoring 48 points in a loss to The Reservoir Dogs.


Romo and Manning combined to score barely more than 16 points. Six of Blaupunkt's starters scored less than 5 points.

Academic Probation held on to beat Big Kahuna Burger 96-88 thanks to a 31-point performance from Le'Veon Bell that only included one touchdown.

The week's closest game was Go big or go home's 75-74 win over Something, which has lost three straight despite setting real lineups the past two weeks. Something is alone in last place at 3-10. He may get the first pick again, but don't worry, you saw him work the draft software before this season.

And, finally, the week's biggest matchup! Jeff Fisher's Mullet beat Cant Be That Hard 128-111 in a super-high-scoring game. And it could have been higher had CBTH set its ideal lineup. Hopkins had 35 and Stills had 22 on the bench.

 Nov 30
A high-scoring one between me and this week. Come on, Mullets!

 Nov 30
Game over man! Game over! Should have started Hopkins and Stills.

 Nov 30
so many high scorers in that one.

 Dec 2
Yeah. On my BENCH!


That is a scary high-scoring team. Watch out if CBTH makes the championship bracket.

And with that, it's time to set up the final week of the RWC regular season.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Cowboys and Bears. No teams are on a bye (thank goodness). Best of luck with the lineups this week!

And as a reward for making it to the bottom of this ridiculously long post, witness the amazingness that is J.J. Watt:



Go get some popcorn. Some Sno-Caps, perhaps.

Corey
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