[League Update] Week 13: And your regular season champion is ...

Written while getting ready for the first family Christmas of the year.

Welp fantasy football is done. That season was fun, wasn't it? Nothing to do now but wait until next year. Well, at least in the Inscoe household.

You other 12 lucky (??) people get to keep playing for three more weeks.

But before the playoffs get started, it's time to crown our regular season champion: Congratulations Watt A Girl Wants!

Isn't that a nice photo? But to keep with RWC tradition, I need to find an embarrassing photo, so ...

That's better. I may have used that one before, but it's just so good.

Big Kahuna Burger led pretty much ever week this season -- except for the one that matters. Both BKB and Get off my Dak -- which were tied for first place -- lost this week. Watt A Girl Wants won and earned the championship because of a 20-point Points For advantage.

I could go back and confirm this, but I'm pretty sure we've never had a tie at the top of the standings at the end of the regular season -- definitely not a three-way tie. And the loss hurt Dak the most, because now they don't get that first-round bye.

And There's no 'I' in team was the one of the five 6-7 teams able to sneak into the championship playoffs. But  now records don't matter.

So here are the first round championship playoff machups.

(1) Watt a Girl Wants and (2) Big Kahuna Burger -- BYE.

(4) Cant Be That Hard vs. (5) Theon's Deflated Balls

(3) Get Off My Dak vs. (6) There's no I in team

The consolation playoffs are also happening, but, let's be real, playing for 7th isn't all that exciting. And the Inscoes aren't in any playoffs so yay for us.

Instead of doing the normal weekly awards, I've decided to give out some regular season trophies.

Regular Season Awards

The highest scoring team of the regular season is Watt A Girl Wants with 1,275.74. It's always nice when it works out like that. And it's fitting that Get Off My Dak doesn't get a bye, because his 1,063 points for are good for 10th in the league.

The Sad Trombone of the Season is Muscular Mathletes (920.34), which somehow performed so badly toward the end of the season that Jeff Fisher's Mullet was able to over take them.

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to the Mullets for that awful, awful draft. As we all know, the Mullets started 0-7, mostly because the players on my team at the start of the season were all garbage. I only started to win when I was able to get some decent players in free agency. The trade didn't even help me all that much -- Jameis has been my starting QB, but the other two players in the trade didn't quite workout: Kelvin Benjamin plays for the Panthers which means he can't have nice things and Jamaal Charles went almost immediately back on the IR. At the end of the season, only 5 of the 15 players I drafted were still on my team, and only three were starting. Good times.

The Grumble Grumble Award goes to Academic Probation for being the first 6-7 team out of the playoffs because of a 30 point difference in points for. But at least AP is top seed in the consolation playoffs! That counts for something, right?? 

And now, since Eve won the regular season, it's only fitting that I write a haiku for her. Here goes:

Watt does a girl want?

A league championship, duh. 

Can she win it all?

Good luck everyone! 

[League Update] Week 12: It all comes down to this (and other sports cliches)

Written while procrastinating putting the lights on the dadgum tree.

It all comes down to this. It ain't over 'til it's over. The final countdown. That's right, this is the last week of the regular season and this week will decide who makes the real playoffs, who makes the playoffs, and which two sad sack teams don't make any playoffs.

I'm going to do my best to break down some scenarios, but I'm not going to spend a lot of time doing math so if I mess something up I apologize.

First, let's take a look at the real playoffs. Here's how the playoffs would look if the season ended right now:

By my quick calculations, Big Kahuna Burger (9-3), Get Off My Dak (9-3) and Watt A Girl Wants (8-4) have guaranteed themselves a spot in the playoffs. Well done, y'all. And BKB has held on to the Twitter Avatar for the whole season. Impressive. The top two teams get byes in the first round, so BKB and GOMD are really hoping for wins.

Cant Be That Hard (7-5) is also in, I'm pretty sure, win or lose (which is unfortunate because it would be really fun for me to beat him and keep him out of the playoffs). That's because two of the three teams at 6-6 play each other, so there will only be two a maximum of two other 7-6 teams if CBTH loses, meaning that would finish out the six-team championship bracket.

Here's the key matchup of that group: Theon's Deflated Balls (6-6) and There's no 'I' in team (6-6) play each other this week, and the winner of that game is in the playoffs.

Now here's where it gets messy. Academic Probation also sits at 6-6 and plays Watt A Girl Wants this week. A win puts AP in. A loss and, well, who the hell knows? There are 5 teams tied at 5-7 right below the top group -- Off Constantly, SugaLumps, Dolphins of Old, PerpetualMotion Squad and Muscular Mathletes.

Dolphins and PMS play each other this week, so the loser of that game is out. But if Academic Probation loses, there's a chance that four teams could win and there would be six teams (AP, four 5-7 winners and the loser of Theon and Sports Cliche) at 6-7 vying for the final playoff spot. Remember: The tiebreaker is Points For. Right now, Theon's Deflated Balls and Academic Probation are virtually tied at that stat with 1,091.

I'm so glad there's a damn computer figuring this out.

Now for the fake playoffs. Here's how it would look if they started today:

Basically, the top of this playoff will be decided by the losers in the scenario I set up above. So let's take a look at the bottom, to see who will be the last teams in.

The key matchup to watch here is Muscular Mathletes (5-7) vs. Blaupunkt (4-8). If Muscular Mathletes wins, she's in. Now, technically she could be in that tied 6-7 group, but her Points For is -- wait for it -- WORSE THAN THE MULLETS (856 vs. 883). So, in short, she's not making the championship playoffs without a miracle, the likes of which has never been seen. If Blaupunkt wins, he and the Mathletes will be tied and Blaupunkt has an impressive points for number (1,031) for being tied for last place.

And to wrap it all up: There's no way the Mullets make any playoffs this season. It is as it was always meant to be. Now all that matters for me is whether I'm the first pick or the second pick in next year's draft. The only way I'm not the first pick is if I win and the Mathletes lose, and I still hold the Points For tiebreaker, or if Blaupunkt loses and I win.

I probably got something wrong. Set me straight in the comments.

Awards

The highest point scorer from Week 12 was Watt A Girl Wants, who beat first-place Big Kahuna Burger 112-100.



The Week 12 Sad Trombone Award goes to Muscular Mathletes (again) for a respectable 68 points in a loss to Dolphins of Old (92). No one totally laid an egg last week. Way to go!

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to your truly, the Mullets, for a multitude of mistakes in a 83-75 loss to PMS. Should have started Asiata (10) over Rawls (3.8) and Ted Ginn (18) over either of my starting WRs -- Nelson (9) and Crowder (8).

The Grumble Grumble Award goes to Blaupunkt, for the reasons I mentioned above. He's 4-8, tied for last place with me, but has a Points For of 1,031, good for eighth best in the league. But his Points Against him (1,231) is the most in the league, more than 100 more than the next closest team. In short: Blaupunkt has had the worst luck with matchups, leading to seven straight losses in the league. He doesn't deserve to be at the bottom of the league. But I do.

And the Most Ridiculous Headline Written By an NFL.com Computer:

0 points for creativity.

Other results from Week 12: 

- Cant Be That Hard 108, Theon's Deflated Balls 78.
- Off Constantly 98, There's no 'I' in team 85
- Academic Probation 105, Blaupunkt 73
- SugaLumps 98, Get Off My Dak 71

The Book of Faces

This point that Cant Be That Hard brought up on the FB was also brought up by SugaLumps last night:

Kind of interesting to see the difference between the two households in the league. On one hand, you have the Williams, who are crushing it. On the other, you have the Inscoes, who are, well, not.

It is weird how similar the the two couples are in the standings. I just wish the Inscoes were on the other side of it.

Haiku for me, Haiku for you

From Eve: 

Playoffs are next week.
Six will move forward while eight
Lament their draft picks.

Good luck everyone!

[League Update] Week 11: Dressing is the best part of the Thanksgiving meal

Written while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Go Cary Band!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Before you sit down to stuff yourself with dressing and get into awkward political conversations, don't forget to set your lineups! We've got three games today and this is the next to the last week of the regular season.

The league this year is made up of haves and have-nots. The haves: The Williams Household, with Big Kahuna Burger and Get Off My Dak still tied for first at 9-2. The next closest team is Watt A Girl Wants two games behind, and there are three teams tied for fourth at 6-5. Right now, that's your championship playoff.

Now for the have-nots. More than half the league has a losing record. There are two teams at 5-6, and then a six-way tie for ninth at 4-7 (including yours truly). Two of those teams won't make the consolation bracket. Remember: The tie breaker is points for, which is unfortunate because mine is AWFUL.

Now onto the

Awards

The highest scorer of Week 11 was Academic Probation with 115 points, beating Dolphins of Old (61). Dolphins has now lost three in a row and is down in that 4-7 group. Welcome to the basement!



This week's Sad Trombone Award technically goes to PerpetualMotionSquad for a no-show 33 point performance in a loss to Muscular Mathletes (67). But he does have a pretty good excuse for a possibly historically low point total: He ran his first marathon last weekend! Congrats, man. That's awesome. So I won't make any more fun of your team.

Instead, I'm going to give an honorary Sad Trombone to Blaupunkt, which has now lost six games in a row and is down in the basement with the 4-7 crew. See -- Blaupunkt is at least as bad as the Mullets are, but because his epic losing streak is happening at the end of the season noone is noticing. It's unfair. Oh well, now we're in the same boat.

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to Watt A Girl Wants. Last week I grumbled about how she had 50 points on her bench an 100 points on her team. Well, this week she still had about 50 points on her bench ... and 55 on the team. Ouch. There were multiple bad decisions, but we'll focus on leaving Rashad Jennings (18.9) and Adam Theilen (12.5) on the bench and starting Kyle Rudolph (1.2) and Randall Cobb (8.4). And it didn't help that AJ Green got hurt in the first quarter. But because of these poor decisions, Get Off My Dak got a 73-55 win, and has now won six in a row.

This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to the chief grumbler, Cant Be That Hard. It all came down to Monday night. Cant Be That Hard had a slim lead, but Houston's Hopkins and Miller did just enough for Off Constantly to get the 88-84 win. Grumble text from Morgan: "I'd rant about how much I hate MNF, but let's be honest, I only hate it when it's costing me games. Having said that, Lamar Miller can suck eggs."

The Most Ridiculous Headline Written by an NFL.com Computer:

Most of the headlines were boring this week but this one came out of nowhere with some really good descriptive language. Way to go, computer.

Other scores from Week 11

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet 90, Theon's Deflated Balls 74: Four wins in a row ... still in last place.
- There's no 'I' in team 108, SugaLumps 89: 20 points for a defense? Dadgum. 4 sacks, 2 interceptions, 1 TD and a return TD.
- Big Kahuna Burger 108, Blaupunkt 68.5: From Blaupunkt: "Go ahead and give me the sad trombone award. 5 losses in a row after a hot start.

"*I also felt sad playing my ACTUAL trombone yesterday because I sounded bad. #backtothepracticeroom"

It's actually six in a row, but the point stands.

The Book of Faces

Some good advice from Theon's Deflated Balls: "Word of advice: Set your lineups before the tryptophan hits."

Haiku, You ku, We all Ku

Thankful, by Eve

Turkey's on the grill
All the family are here
Now time for football.

Everyone have a safe and fun and happy Thanksgiving!

[League Update] Week 10: The first playoff projections ... and collusion?!?

Written at the very last minute, as usual.

Alright, we're going to keep this thing short because I've only got two hours until Sunday kickoff and we've all got things to do, right? Right.

A quick look at the standings shows that the Williams household is running this b****, tied at 8-2. I should probably find an embarrassing picture of both of them to make the Twitter profile picture ... stay tuned.

I would yell about COLLUSION or some mess, but I know they're both too competitive for that to be the case. Unless ... their competitiveness compelled them to team up and beat the rest of the league to get spots in the championship, and then all the winnings go into a shared bank account ... I don't like it. COLLUSION.



Behind the (Trump voice) Colluding Williamses we have Watt A Girl Wants at 7-3, Cant Be That Hard and Theon's Deflated Balls are tied at 6-4 and There's no 'I' in team is sitting in sixth at 5-5.

After that, we have six teams tied at 4-6 and two teams tied at 3-7 bringing up the rear. Yeah, I've won three games in a row and am still sitting in last place.

Including this week, we only have three more weeks left in the regular season, so it's time to look at some playoff projections.

If the playoffs started now, here's how it would look in the Championship Bracket.

And here's how it would look in the consolation bracket.

The only two teams not playing in any playoffs under this scenario would be the two 3-7 squads -- OC and the Mullets. (I forgot that we expanded the playoffs to six teams last year. I actually have a chance to make it in! )

OK, now onto the

Awards

The highest scorer for Week 10 was Watt A Girl Wants with 119 points in a win over There's no 'I' in team, which scored 87.



The Sad Trombone was Muscular Mathletes, for I think the third time this season? I asked Courtney across the table because I don't feel like checking. She wouldn't confirm, but did say "got a damn symphony going over here." So three sounds right. She scored 54 points in a loss to ME. More on that later.

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to PerpetualMotionSquad, which did not pay enough attention to the Jets QB situation and started a not starting Ryan Fitzpatrick. That 0.00 really hurt, especially when Ryan Matthews scores 27 points and you lost by just 18 -- which is exactly what Sam Bradford scored on the bench. Academic Probation won this one 106-88.

And this week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to the whole league, aimed at Watt A Girl Wants. Not only did Eve have the highest dadgum score in the league, she also had 50 points sitting on her bench. Most of us are scrambling to even put a lineup together and she's just letting 50 points chill. SHARE THE WEALTH, EVE. Not cool.

This week's Most Ridiculous Headline Written by an NFL.com Computer:

I know my game has been picked two weeks in a row, but that's just so visceral. And now let me quickly gloat about Inscoe House Bowl 2016. I WON!!! WOOOOOOOOOO. Actually, there wasn't much gloating. Last week was full of Ls, with the Tar Heels being dumb in Durham and the Panthers Panthering like only the Panthers can -- and watching the game in the stands with my mom and step-dad -- two big Chiefs fans. I was so salty. The only redeeming thing of the weekend was that the Mullets came through again. But it felt hollow, knowing that it was just another L in a long line of Ls for Courtney ....

... BUT I WOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!

Other scores from Week 10

- Theon's Deflated Balls 94, Off Constantly 84: David won this at least in part because Cairo Santos made all of his field goals, including the game winner against the Panthers. Bittersweet.

- Cant Be That Hard 105, SugaLumps 92: SugaLumps made two mistakes here: Trusting the Panthers defense and starting Bryant over HausChakaKhan in the kicking game.

- Big Kahuna Burger 78, Dolphins of Old 62: BKB overcame a not-so-Tom-Brady-esque Tom Brady performance to get back to her winning ways.

- Get Off My Dak 97, Blaupunkt 64: Probably no one in the world was more excited to hear that Dak Prescott would keep his starting job than Jeremy. The season could be totally different if Big Jerry jumps back on the Tony Romo train.

The Book of Faces

As Academic Probation pointed out, "This site is awfully quiet when Mullet is winning." It is, sir. It is indeed. So we're going to use this section for some #analysis, brought to us by Get Off My Dak.

He writes: "Here is a thought...this could be the first time ever the league saw a champion repeat. I will probably get blown out by Eve this week (that's just Watt she does) but I still have a strong case for making the playoffs."

This is true. We talked about it early on, but this is true. Not only has no one ever won back to back championships, but no team has won two championships in the history of the league. GOMD (then known as Free Crab Legs) won it last season, and also won the regular season title last year.

Jeremy is the only player to have ever won the regular season twice (back in 2012 as Correctamundo, but he lost in the championship game).

The closest a defending champion has ever come to winning it again was when the first RWC champion, Sergio, finished third in 2012.

On the other end of the spectrum, the worst finish by a defending champion was by Blaupunkt, who finished 13th in 2013. We call that Panthering.

---

No poem from Eve this week, probably because I didn't even post about it until a couple of hours ago. My fault, not hers.

UPDATE: After publication, Eve sent in a poem. Enjoy.

Better late than never. 

A haiku by Eve (and Kelly)

If Corey had been
On top of of his shit this week
Y'all'd have a haiku.

Boom. Done an hour before kickoff. Enjoy the games, everybody!

[League Update] Week 9: Corey Wins Again (Or “We Definitely Couldn’t Let Him Write This Again”)

Corey note: A few weeks ago I convinced Morgan to write the blog post for this week. Not sure if he actually remembered agreeing to this, but he still did it. Enjoy.

---

Written while STILL recovering from Election Night hangover. Guys, elections are tough.

So, Jeff Fisher’s Mullets won again this weekend. For those of you keeping score at home that’s TWO IN A ROW. And it DOUBLED his win total on the year. Since nobody wants to listen to him gloat, I volunteered to write this week’s post.

It was an interesting week. Everybody and their grandmother was on a BYE. Some of us scrambled to find options on the waiver wire. Others of us decided that their wife’s birthday was more important and basically gifted Corey Win Numero Dos.

Also, Chris Boswell attempted at Rabona kick, and it was AMAZING!

What it should look like:


What actually happened. (Stupid NFL won't let me embed the video so you have to click the link.)

Both of our lovely ladies at the peak of the leader board lost this week, so the Williams Household is now tied at 7-2 atop the league standings. Watt A Girl Wants is next at 6-3, followed by 3 teams at 5-4 to make up the current playoff picture. Five teams follow at 4-5, 2 at 3-6, and our wonderful Commissioner is bringing up the rear at 2-7 (and more than 260 points back in Points For).

Now, without further ado, let’s hand out the hardware for this week.

The Awards

The highest point scorer this week was There’s No ‘I’ in Team – Mike Evans lead the way with a 27 point performance, and 4 other players broke the 10 point mark during a 110.74-82.46 victory over Blaupunkt



This week's Sad Trombone goes to Big Kahuna Burger, who was beaten 85.12-59.38 by PMS. Katie had 6 players score 5 points or less this week, but she is still in first place, even if she no longer leads in Points For.

This week's Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to SugaLumps. If he had started Doug Baldwin, Matt Bryant, and the Dolphins D, he’d be looking at 109.2-106.78 win. Instead, he’s staring down the barrel of a 15 point loss to Theon’s Deflated Balls.

The Grumble Grumble Award goes to, well, half the damn league. With half of the known world on a BYE this week, many people had to start whatever they could grab off of the junk heap or players in bad match ups. Off Constantly had almost half the roster off this week, while 4 other teams had either 4 or 5 players off.

This week's Most Ridiculous Headline Written by an NFL.com Computer:

For the sake of Corey’s dignity, I’m going to present this one without comment. Mullets win, 91.34-70.02.

Other scores from the week

Academic Probation 79.56, Muscular Mathletes 70.30: Despite a strong 30 point outing from Latavius Murray, the Mathletes couldn’t seem to get anything else going. Oh how the tables have turned in the Inscoe household

Get Off My Dak 96.48, Dolphins of Old 82.32: Another stellar game from its namesake has Get Off My Dak in 2nd place. I never thought I’d say this, but I kind of feel bad for Tony Romo right now. Annnnnnnnd, it’s gone.

Can’t Be That Hard 96.86, Watt A Girl Wants 81.08: Almost 28 points from Matt Ryan got me my 3rd win in a row, and all I can think about is how much I’d like to punch him in the face. Having to stick with his hot hand while he decreases the odds that the Panthers make the playoffs every week is just an awful feeling.

Quote of the Week

Further proof that Corey can’t do anything right, he went from failing at Fantasy Football to failing at tanking. At least he’s self-aware enough to recognize the problem. I think Sam Hinkie is still looking for a job. Maybe he can help out.

This week’s Thursday night game is between Baltimore and Cleveland. The poor Browns are still winless and, per ESPN, have a 15% chance of losing out. Be sure to set your lineups before kickoff at 8:25 EST.

Haiku. Do you?

Once again, Eve provides us with another wonderful piece of poetry:

No cheese stands alone.
Whelp. The election's over.
Now for more football.

[League Update] Week 8: I WOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN

I was gonna write this earlier this week but I was too busy hanging out with Melissa Joan Hart, so there. *drops mic*

It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The air has that crisp, cool feel of fall. It's the kind of day where you feel like anything could happen. It's a day full of hope and promise. A team that has suffered for so, so long without winning anything finally had a moment to celebrate this week. It brought tears to the eye.

I'm talking, of course, about Jeff Fisher's Mullets. Because I WOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Oh yeah, and the Cubs also did good.)

It finally happened. I won a game. My team isn't total trash. Well, it kind of still is. I'm still in last place. But it's a slightly less aggressively burning garbage dump of a team. And I'm not going to go 0-14 and, right now, that feels like winning a championship. And I get to do this:

Teams that are still winless through Week 8:

- None because I WOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN WOOOOOOOOOOOO.

We'll discuss this in more detail soon. For now let's focus on the top of the table, where the other half lives.

Big Kahuna Burger is still at the top of the league with a 7-1 record, while Watt A Girl Wants and Get Off My Dak sit tied for second at 6-2. Then there's a little separation, with 7 teams tied at 4-4. The race for the final championship playoff spot is shaping up to be really, really interesting.

At the bottom, with me, you've got Academic Probation at 2-6, and PerpetualMotionSquad and Off Constantly at 3-5.

And just because I told you I'd do this, in the other league Off Constantly started I'm tied for first at 6-2. Really feelin' both sides of the table this season.

The Awards

The highest point scorer this week was Jeff Fisher's Mullet -- WHAT?!? Yeah, that's right. Not only did I win last week but I scored more than anyone else in the league with 113 points. This is a new world that we live in, y'all. I'm coming for you. And this is despite the fact that Jamaal Charles, one of the people that Get Off My Dak traded me to help my crap team, is having surgery and went on IR because of course he did.




This week's Sad Trombone goes to the Muscular Mathletes for the second week in a row. The Inscoe household is trending in opposite ways at this point. You could blame it on the fact that I managed her team for two weeks while she was out of the country, and that my bad mojo rubbed off on it. You could blame it on that.

This week's Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to Off Constantly. Off Constantly had LeSean McCoy in the R/W/T spot, and he scored a big ol' 0 (was he even active?) as SugaLumps beat Off Constantly by 2. A number of players on Off Constantly's bench -- Reed (15.9), Brown (10.9), Woods (5), Henry (15.7) -- scored more than enough to give Off Constantly the win. But it didn't happen, and yet another person beat Off Constantly last week. I'm really looking forward to beating Off Constantly this week. I've been looking forward to it. It's gonna feel so good.

The Grumble Grumble Award Theon's Deflated Balls. He easily could have earned the Johnny Football Award, but I'll give him this one instead. Here's why: The Panthers finally won another freakin' game, and you'd assume that in a Panthers win comes a big game for Greg Olsen, arguably the best receiver on the team. NOPE. Somehow Olsen was only targeted three times and caught one pass for 11 yards, giving the TE 1.1 points. Balls lost to Watt A Girl Wants by 2.

This week's Most Ridiculous Headline Written by an NFL.com Computer:

Waxes. And I love that they decided to talk about Academic Probation's losing streak, not the fact that I hadn't won a game all season. Which brings me to ...

The Outscored By Inscoe Award goes to Academic Probation, who has the dubious honor of being the first team to lost to Jeff Fisher's Mullets this season! The Mullets not only won, they dominated in a 113-62 win. I had a good feeling after the Sunday morning game, when I had 35 points from just two players. I usually get that many points from more than half my team. But finally, for the first time all season, everyone showed up. I even left some points on the bench. It was a good day.

And as he said in the Facebook post, Karma is a bitch.

[tweet]

Other scores from the week

Big Kahuna Burger 88, Muscular Mathletes 55: Analysis from Cant Be That Hard: "I'm sitting here thinking that whoever has JStew is having a good game. Then I look, and he's riding the bench for Big Kahuna Burger." What must it be like to be able to leave a starting running back on your bench??? Also, this is BKB's 6th straight win. Watt A Girl Wants has also won 6 straight.

Get Off My Dak 95, PerpetualMotionSquad 81: "Watching my Win against Get Off My Dak slip away 0.10 points at a time...." (Channelling Chris Berman) A little Dak'll do ya.

Cant Be That Hard 107, Blaupunkt 100: A high-scoring affair here and it all turned on a HUGE performance Jordan Howard, who scored 26 points for CBTH on Monday night. It's the kind of comeback you always hope will happen but never actually does.

Dolphins of Old 98, There's no 'I' in team 72: Gronk doing Gronk things, like scoring his 69th touchdown.

Gronk said his mom was so proud of him for scoring his 69th career touchdown. #Patriots pic.twitter.com/0SXQa2aAtq

— Chad Amaral (@chad_amaral) October 30, 2016

The Book of Faces

Two winners I want to highlight this week:

- "Man, my arm is sore." -SugaLumps. I literally just got this one today.
- "Looking at everyone's Game Centers like BYE BYE BYYYYE" -Big Kahuna Burger.


Seriously, though: If you haven't looked at your lineups yet you should. It seems like half of the league is on bye this week somehow.

Haiku for you, Haiku for me

Eve's back with her weekly poem, and this one's just beautiful. We'll end with it:

We all can't believe
That Corey finally won.
It's just like the Cubs.

[League Update] Week 7: Welcome back to the morass of negativity

Written while watching soccer.

What's with all these Sunday morning games in London? Doesn't the NFL know that weekend mornings are for watching soccer? And let's be real, I'd rather watch the Premier League than a game between the Washington football team and the Bengals. (By the way, make sure to set your lineup for that one.)

Jeremy did a masterful job filling in last week, bringing an energy and bravado that the the league update hasn't seen in months. But he's gone and I'm back which means the league update will return to the morass of negativity and shame and pain.

But let's talk about people who are actually good in this league! At the top, we've still got Big Kahuna Burger at 6-1. Things are spreading out just a bit below BKB, with Watt a Girl Wants and Get Off My Dak at 5-2, and four teams (There's no 'I' in team, Blaupunkt, Theon's Deflated Balls and Muscular Mathletes) tied at 4-3. The rest of the league is at 3-4, except for Academic Probation (2-5) and ... me.

Teams who still haven't won a game through Week 7:

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet. How bad are the Mullets? They've scored a grand total of 419 points this season. The next lowest team? Muscular Mathletes and PerpetualMotionSquad both have 540. Yeah, a gap of 121 points.

You know what I'm going to start doing? I'm going to start telling you about how I'm doing in the league Off Constantly started, because at least there I can feel joy. I'm 5-2 and tied for first in that league after winning 156-107 last week. Wooooooooooooo ...

The Awards

The highest scorer in Week 7 was Theon's Deflated Balls. They beat Blaupunkt 135-81. There were a lot of high scores this week, with There's no 'I' in team, Watt A Girl Wants and Big Kahuna Burger also scoring more than 100 points this week. Maybe one day I'll know what that feels like. (Probably not.)




The Muscular Mathletes got Sad Tromboned this week, scoring 50 points in a loss to Get Off My Dak, 82-50. And I'd just like to say that I was not controlling the Mathletes team in Week 7. That was all her.

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to Dolphins of Old. Now I have to say, I really struggled to find one this week. Seems like most people picked their best lineup, or lost so bad that it didn't actually matter (raises hand). Dolphins started Cameron Meredith in the W/R spot and he scored 1.2, while Victor Cruz scored 5.5 on the bench. Not a huge difference, but Dolphins lost to Cant Be That Hard 93-91. Oof.

This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to Academic Probation, mostly because of this Facebook post after losing 123-91 to Big Kahuna Burger.

Pretty good weekend in fantasy - on track to be over my projected - and I'm getting waxed.
-AcademicProbation

:(

New random award I came up with: Most ridiculous headline written by an NFL.com computer. This is where I pick the dumbest of those headlines on the recaps you can find in the Game Center. This week:

heh heh heh heh

Other scores from the week: 

- SugaLumps 81, Jeff Fisher's Mullet 60. In a matchup of this year's worst team and last year's worst team ... last year's won easily. Quick Mullet Grumble: I got Jamaal Charles in that trade with Get Off My Dak and I thought, "Finally, a starting RB!" Yeah, he didn't score any points, reaggravated an injury and is out this week. BECAUSE OF COURSE.

- Watt A Girl Wants 111, Off Constantly 61. I'll just use WAGW's Facebook post to recap this one: "Ahh, beating Off Constantly- how I like to spend a Sunday evening at home."

- There's no 'I' in team 128, PerpetualMotionSquad 53. PMS nearly got Sad Tromboned mostly because Sam Bradford reverted back to Sammy Brad of old. Also, Sports Cliche has Jay Ajayi, who is just freakin' crushing it right now. 27 points this week, 32 last.

Morgan Hates Everything 

Matt Ryan nearly lost Cant Be That Hard the game after throwing a late pick.

Here are the texts I got from him:

"Matt Ryan is going to cost me another football game" 

"I was up, then the fucker threw a pick" 

"As a Panthers fan, my constant reliance on Matt Ryan to win fantasy football games is enough to make me want to vomit."

The Book of Faces

Top post, from Get Off My Dak:

Other good stuff: 

- i'm shitting my pants knowing i'm up against Mullet - no one wants to be the first against an "0h-fer" fearing the Mullet for vastly different than normal reasons. -Academic Probation. (Really hope we get to bust out the trophy y'all are coming up with.)

- How do I go from losing by 60 one week, and winning by 60 the next?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! -Theon's Deflated Balls

Alright, that's it. No poem this week. A bit of an anticlimactic end.

Oh, Happy Halloween! I should have played up a Halloween theme in this post! Oh well, too late now. I'm not redoing it.

[League Update] Week 6: Make Fantasy Football Great Again!

This is the first League Update guest post! Jeremy from Get Off My Dak wrote this week's post. But first, a quick order of business: NEW AVATAR ALERT!! You'll see why below, but this face will be the face of our Twitter account until someone overtakes her. 

OK, take it away, Jeremy!

---

Well that debate was about as exciting as a high school class president debate. I am glad that is over and I can move on to more exciting topics…FANTASY FOOTBALL! With week 6 in the books we finally have a team in the #1 spot, Big Kahuna Burger, but more on that later. Watt a Girl Wants, Blaupunkt, Muscular Mathletes, and (yours truly) Get Off My Dak are all tied at 4-2.

The rest of the league is tied at 3-3 or 2-4 … except for one.

Guys, we need to have an intervention or something. Our poor, sad Commissioner is 0-6…0-6! He hasn’t even come close to a win yet this season. I think at this point we all feel a little sad for him.
This game used to bring joy to all of our faces, but for one sad Commissioner it is safe to say, “The thrill is gone.” I for one want to make fantasy football great again for Corey, which is why I proposed a trade to hopefully help him out.

Enough feeling bad for Corey, he should have drafted a better team. Now onto the good stuff!

GAME RECAPS

Big Kahuna Burger vs. Jeff Fisher’s Mullet

Well here in the Williams’ house the thrill is real! (Don’t worry I will keep this PG). Big Kahuna Burger crushed fantasy football again this week by crushing Jeff Fisher’s Mullet by almost 62 points. It is crushing defeats like this that lead the Mullet’s to quotes like, “Stupid game.”

Get Off My Dak vs. Academic Probation

The other team in the Williams’ house was able to squeak out a 73.78-70.26 victory over Academic Probation. Your reigning champ is looking to make another playoff run. Will Fuller laid a big goose egg to basically solidify a win for GOMD.

Watt a Girl Wants vs. SugaLumps

The NFL.com recap said, “Watt a Girl Wants goes crazy on SugaLumps for 4th straight win.” Yeah that pretty much sums it up …

Blaupunkt vs. Off Constantly

It is safe to say Blaupunkt did not beat Off Constantly. Off Constantly strolled to a 127.36-70 victory over Blaupunkt. To make matters worse Blaupunkt’s bench scored 84 points! Someone should make better life decisions when setting their lineup.

There’s No “I” in Team vs. Muscular Mathletes

There is no “I” in team but there is an “I” in SHIT!!!! First let’s all marvel at Courtney doing this amazingness:
 


Courtney (Muscular Mathletes) also took care of fantasy football business with a 93-83 win this week. Who would have thought Andrew Luck would have a good game, but since he sat on the bench No “I” went down in a blaze of glory this week.

Dolphins of Old vs. Theon’s Deflated Balls

Let’s just describe this game as a curb stomp … yeah that sounds good. It wasn’t even close as the Dolphins of Old cruised to a 119-61 win on the backs of Drew Brees and Rob Gronkowski. If the Dolphins of Old didn’t beat up the Deflated Balls enough, their own bench beat them by 15.

Can’t Be That Hard vs. Perpetual Motion Squad

I said it once and I will say it again … it CAN be that hard.  PMS rode a 32 point performance by Odell Beckham Jr. to a close 80-75 win over Can’t Be That Hard.

The Awards

This week’s Sad Trombone Award goes to SugaLumps, which scored a sad 41.26 points against Watt a Girl Wants.  Honorable mention goes to Jeff Fisher’s Mullet which only scored 42.66 … you got lucky this week.  Here’s to you SugaLumps!


The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to two teams: Blaupunkt and There’s No “I” in Team.

If No “I” in Team would have started Andrew Luck over Carson Palmer this week he would have won by 1 point! Although Blaupunkt lost by 57.36 points, had he put Terrell Pryor, Chris Michael, and Bradin Cooks in the starting line up he would have won. Poor decisions my friends…

Last but not least the Grumble Grumble Award has to go to Jeff Fisher’s Mullet because 0-6 …that’s why.

It has been six weeks Corey, win a damn game!

Well folks I am winding down this update but I will get you out of here with some highlights from Facebook:

- “Corey Inscoe I will trade you Kelvin Benjamin for a ham sandwich...think about it.” –Get Off My Dak

- “Just need a point to keep from getting Sad Tromboned ...” –Jeff Fisher’s Mullet

- “I'd like to thank Corey Inscoe and his steaming hot pile of shit team (did I get all the adjectives right?) for securing my 1st place standing 👏🏻”  –Big Kahuna Burger 

Thanks for letting me write the post this week Corey. Maybe we should start a rule that whoever is in last place each week has to write the post? HAHA it’s funny because that would be you!

Signing off …

[League Update] Week 5: The Best of the Worst

Written while drinking coffee and watching soccer, since football is stupid.

Once again, I'm writing this update mere hours before the Sunday games kick off. I could make a bunch of excuses, but I won't. I just had meetings Wednesday and Thursday nights, and spent Saturday watching college football (Go Heels). Were those excuses? Oh well.

Like I said, let me know if you want to write this thing one week. I have Morgan marked down for Week 10. Every other week is wide open. Make it your own. Have fun. Use GIFs.

I've gotten to the point in this NFL season where I don't even get mad anymore, I just laugh. I transitioned in the middle of the Monday night Panthers game. Instead of getting mad, I started wondering how they would manage to blow the game. And blow it they did.

I actually set my lineup with the assumption that the Panthers D would be trash, and I was right, and it almost worked. More on that below. Have 1-4 teams made the playoffs? Yes. Do I think this Panthers team will? Not they way it's playing right now.

But here's the upside -- cheap tickets late in the season.

And hey, Stoke City finally won a match in the English Premier League! Things are looking up.

Not that it actually matters, but I just want y'all to know that I've won three straight games in the other league I'm in. So I'm not a total fantasy football idiot.

On to the good stuff.

As I reported last week, we don't have any undefeated teams left in the league, and we still don't have a team alone in first place. This week, Big Kahuna Burger and Blaupunkt are tied for first at 4-1. Five teams are one game back at 3-2: Watt a Girl Wants, There's no "I" in team, Theon's Deflated Balls, Get Off My Dak and Muscular Mathletes (sorry Courtney).

Who will get the first Twitter avatar of the season? Big Kahuna Burger plays Jeff Fisher's Mullet this week (sigh) and Blaupunkt faces Off Constantly.

The rest of the league* is sitting at 2-3, just two games back from first. There's a lot that can still happen.

Oh, what's that asterisk you ask? Let's take a look at the teams that still haven't won after five games.

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet

OK guys, this isn't funny anymore. I want to win. I really want to win. I'm trying, I promise. Anyone want to trade? I'll literally take any starting running back and any No. 1 or No. 2 receiver. I'm not kidding.

We'll talk more about my struggles this week below, in the awards.

The awards

The highest scorer this week was Big Kahuna Burger, which scored 121 points to beat Get Off My Dak in the Williams Bowl 2016. This is the second time BKB has been the highest scorer, also getting that honor in Week 1. And this 121-point performance come just after a 57-point performance in Week 4. But, you see, BKB scored 57 points and won. Remember this when I start ranting below.


via GIPHY


This week's Sad Trombone Award goes to Off Constantly, who scored 48 points in a loss to Dolphins of Old. Wait, let me rephrase that: Dolphins of Old beat Off Constantly 64-48.

The Jameis Winston Award for Poor -- wait, you know what? I've been thinking that we need to change that award. Sure, Jameis made some bad decisions in his past, but he's moved past them and become a pretty good NFL quarterback. So let me see ... who should we replace him with ...

Yep, that makes more sense.

The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to me, Jeff Fisher's Mullet. Y'all, I legitimately could have won this week. Other weeks, I deserved to lose, but this was my week to pull it off. Then I started the wrong Panthers running back. I had been starting Cameron Artis-Payne over Fozzy Whitaker, but in Week 5 I decided to switch it up and start Fozzy, who had been more productive. Fozzy scored 5 points. CAP scored 20. I lost by 13 to Watt A Girl Wants (90-77). Do the math. I'm so angry.

This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to Off Constantly, whose bench -- really, just four players -- outscored his starting lineup by more than 20 points. It also outscored his opponent, Dolphins of Old. I don't normally give two awards to the same team, but this one's deserving -- and the other candidate for this one was the Mullets, which I'll get to in a minute.

Martellus Bennett (24.7), Marcus Mariota (30.5), DeAndre Hopkins (11.6) and Derrick Henry (5.4) combined to score 72.2 points. In Week 4, those same four players combined for like 19 points, so you can't blame Off Constantly for benching them. But you also can't blame him for grumbling.

And while we're grumbling: Look, I know my team is a festering pile of garbage waste lit on fire on a hot, humid day, but I've actually been outscoring teams the past few weeks -- just never the team I'm playing. Which is kind of the point.

But no team that I've played has scored less than 82 points this season. Can't someone pick a bad day to have a bad day when they play me? Please? Big Kahuna Burger? Anyone?

The book of faces

Not as much chatter on the F Book this week, but one little dig stood out, from Academic Probation:

"There's no I in Team" but there is an I in "Carson Palmer was Inactive"

BURN. Academic Probation beat There's no I in team 85-60.

Some other gems: 

- "It's 1:26 on Sunday, and Big Kahuna Burger has already scored more points than Jeff Fishers Mullet probably will." -SugaLumps.
- "Idea: next season we do 2 leagues - 1) normal 2) everyone goes Auto Draft." -Academic Probation. (I actually kind of like this idea ... but then I'd have to manage a third team and I don't know if my brain can handle that.)
- "I drafted 4 running backs, including one by accident in the last round. Guess which one is starting for me for the 3rd week in a row? #injuryluck" -Cant Be That Hard. Morgan, still hating his team.

Other scores from Week 5

- Blaupunkt beat SugaLumps 111-80
- Cant Be That Hard beat Muscular Mathletes 97-68
- PerpetualMotionSquad beat Theon's Deflated Balls 89-72

And now, we'll sign off as we always do with a haiku from Eve.

"The Best of The Worst" 

How can it be that
Just two teams broke 100
And Cor still can't win?

...sigh...

[League Update] Week 4: Football is stupid

Written while trying to forget Saturday's Carolina game.

Football is stupid. There, I said it. It's dumb. The Panthers are bad for some reason this season, the Tar Heels played a turd of a game yesterday and my fantasy team is a steaming hot pile of garbage waste on a hot day.

But here we are again, on the eve of another Sunday full of football, and it's time to write the league update. Yeah, it's a little late. The week got away from me. The offer for anyone else to write the update stands, as always. Just let me know.

Now on to the crap.

First let's take a look at who's undefeated after Week 4: 

(crickets)

YEP. That's right. All three undefeated teams lost last week. Ain't that something? That means we have a six-way tie for first place right now, with all of these teams at 3-1:

- Big Kahuna Burger
- There's no "I" in team
- Blaupunkt
- Theon's Deflated Balls
- Muscular Mathletes
- Get Off My Dak (Great team name. This might be my new favorite)

That's nearly half the league tied for first. Parity, man. This is anyone's league. Well except mine, probably. Because now let's take a look at the teams that are still winless after Week 4.

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet.

YEP. IT'S JUST ME DOWN HERE. IT'S FINE, REALLY. I'M OK.

Cant Be That Hard had to go and win a freakin' game last week, leaving me alone at the bottom. The only real consolation here is that right above me there are four teams at 1-3 -- Dolphins of Old, PerpetualMotionSquad, Academic Probation and CBTH -- so it's not like I'm miles behind the pack. But still -- my team sucks.

Morgan, though: Still not jazzed about his team CBTH:

I got my first win last week, and I still have zero faith in my team. They suck! You want proof? I've left less than 26 points on the bench this season, and 3 or less for the past 3 weeks. Even if I had set a perfect lineup every week, I'd still be 1-3. My team is full of sad sacks! Is it too early to fire my head coach?

I am managing the Muscular Mathletes for the next two weekends while Courtney is out of the country, so I'll at least get a taste of what it's like to have a talented team. Or I'll ruin her season. We'll see.

Awards

This week's Sad Trombone goes to, once again, not me! It's There's no "I" in team with 46 points in a loss to Big Kahuna Burger, who scored just 57.

I think we're gonna keep this GIF around for a while.




It's really distracting to write with that on the screen, by the way.

The highest scorer of the week was Watt A Girl Wants with 134 in a win over Blaupunkt.


Man I had forgotten about that video ... hello, middle school.

This really was a week of haves and have nots, though. Five teams scored 100 or more points, and five scored 57 or less.

This week's Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions goes to Blaupunkt, whose bench scored 75 points. That bench would have beaten six teams last week. Instead, they did nothing and Blaupunkt lost to Watt A Girl Wants 134-94. What a waste of Julio Jones absolutely torching the Panthers.

But let's talk about how stacked that lineup was. The bench and team scored a combined 169 points. I don't think my starters have scored 75 points in a game yet this year. Yep, just checked. That's a fact. Share the wealth, Blaupunkt!

This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to Dolphins of Old, which lost to SugaLumps 102-53. Here's why that's gotta be annoying, other than the fact that SugaLumps was awful last year. Dolphins only had one player score in double digits -- and it wasn't the quarterback. And SugaLumps started a still scored more than 100 points.

Look, y'all make it seem like this game is easy and just fall ass backwards into a 100-point game and I'm over here working my tail off and I can't do anything.

Football is stupid.

Other scores from Week 4: 

Cant Be That Hard beat Academic Probation 128-114.
Off Constantly beat PerpetualMotionSquad 123-53
Theon's Deflated Balls beat Muscular Mathletes 95-62
Get Off My Dak beat Jeff Fisher's Mullet 81-52

This week's Facebook comment of the week goes to Off Constantly for this gem:

"PerpetualMotionSquad just doesn't have what it takes to beat Off Constantly.."
Thank you NFL.com!

Some honorable mentions: 

- The good news for Steven is that I likely won't still be triple his score by tomorrow morning. The bad news is I will likely still be double B-) -Off Constantly
- Corey I found an upside to your lost last week. Your starters beat my bench by 5. Yay! -Get Off My Dak
- My auto-draft team has done better than anytime I picked myself. -Blaupunkt

And this from Big Kahuna Burger:

Gems I found from the Game Center recaps last week...
Blaupunkt actually averages more per game in losses (94.72) than wins (94.69)
Jeff Fisher's Mullet is watching the season slip away and is winless.

Sigh ...

And now we're going to close it out with TWO poems. Y'all really brought the heat this week.

First, a limerick from Katie:

There was a young girl with a wish
Fantasy victories each week to dish
She followed her dream
The other teams scream
Big Kahuna is the top fish

And our weekly haiku from Eve. This one's titled "How We Stand."

Six teams tied for first
No one is undefeated
Poor Corey is last

Football is stupid.

[League Update] Week 3: Color Rush

Written while drinking water and watching the Bengals vs. Dolphins game.

Can you really call it a "Color Rush" jersey when it's all-white? Isn't white the absence of color? Or is that black? I'm a bit rusty on my color theory.

On another note, the Bengals' helmets have to be considered the coolest in the league, right? Hands down.

We're headed into Week 4, people, and this is when stuff starts getting real because, not only is every other player injured (or is that just my team?) but bye weeks start. Hooray! Time to find a 3rd-string running back on the waiver wire and hope he gets a junk-time touchdown.

But before we move into the new week, it's time to look back at the week that was -- Week 3.

These teams are still undefeated: 

- There's no "I" in team
- Blaupunkt
- Muscular Mathletes

Now let's take a look at the teams that are still winless after three games:

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet
- Cant Be That Hard

Apparently it can be that hard, for both of us.

But things are looking up for your commish!

The awards

That's right -- I didn't win the Sad Trombone Award this week! That illustrious honor goes to Academic Probation, who scored 57 points in a loss to Theon's Deflated Balls (71 points).




I'd like to point out that AP's score is just 8 points better than the 49 he made fun of me for in Week 1. What goes around comes around ...

The highest scorer this week was SugaLumps, which beat PerpetualMotionSquad 116-79. SUGALUMPS! Way to go! This is just its third win in 16 games. This is a big deal.

The Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions goes to Dolphins of Old, which just can't seem to start the right quarterback at the right time. In Week 2, Dolphins started Drew Brees and Ryan Tannehill had a bigger game. So last week Dolphins started Tannehill and Drew Brees was the better quarterback on the day by 7 points, which really hurt since Dolphins lost to Watt A Girl Wants by 1.1 points (94.96-93.86).

The Tolbert Report takes the Grumble Grumble Award this week for two reasons:

1) No love for Kelvin Benjamin. A week after scoring 22 points, the receiver was ignored by Cam Newton and scored 0 points. Seriously, Cam threw to him once. ONCE. Because that seems like a good plan. (Tolbert Report lost to There's no "I" in team 100-80.)

2) The real Tolbert. Mike Tolbert got all grumbly about the service he received at an auto shop this week and decided to teach the shop a lesson by paying his $3,900 car repair bill in coins. Don't mess with the Tolbert.

Other scores from Week 2

- Blaupunkt beat Jeff Fisher's Mullet 88-72. But I was kind of competitive! That's an improvement!
- Big Kahuna Burger beat Cant Be That Hard 102-90. Morgan is super down on his team this year. Will it get any better? For pure entertainment purposes, I hope not.
- Muscular Mathletes 84, Off Constantly 70. Which led to this Facebook comment:

"Muscular mathletes defense has outscored all but one of my players.... Gonna be awkward when Courtney has to answer what she did this weekend to her students..."

There's no TWEET/COMMENT OF THE WEEK because y'all didn't give me anything to work with. This is on y'all.

So let's wrap this bad boy up. The Thursday night game already happened, so I hope you were paying attention to your lineup. Teams on a bye in Week 4: Packers and Eagles.

And once again we'll finish the post with a lovely haiku from Eve:

"As week 3 fades into week 4" (Yeah, she titled this one. Like a pro.)

Won a game at last
This girl mourns for JJ's back
Oh fuck, bye weeks start

[League Update] Week 2: All of the injuries

I'm writing this on my cellphone while laying on an air mattress in my childhood bedroom. But this blog post will come out before the start of today's games. That's called dedication. I'm definitely giving 110 percent and playing through the whistle.

(OK, I found a desktop so the rest of this will be written there. Full disclosure. Actually, my sister just called me out.)

Injuries are super fun in a 14-team league, am I right? Super fun. Tony Romo broke himself before the season even started, Gronk hasn't played yet, neither has Jamaal Charles. The Patriots are breaking all of their quarterbacks, one-by-one. Then Adrian Peterson, the only shining light in my steaming pile of hot rotting garbage waste of a team, got put on injured reserve. That's just great.

And if you've taken a look at the waiver wire, there ain't a whole lot to get excited about.

Speaking of things to not get excited about, let's take a look at the teams that are still winless: 

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet (see above)
- Watt A Girl Wants (great team name, not so great team so far)
- Cant Be That Hard (Or can it?)
- SugaLumps (who texted me saying that he might actually do worse than his abysmally bad 2-11 record last season).

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the undefeateds: 

- There's no "I" in team (That's called teamwork)
- Blaupunkt (Video entertainment!)
- Muscular Mathletes (I don't know if she just feels bad for me, but I haven't heard much about this at home)
- The Tolbert Report (Who is somehow undefeated despite having the fourth-worst Points For in the league.)

Now on to the awards

The Sad Trombone this week goes to -- yeah, you guessed it -- Jeff Fisher's Mullet, which lost to There's no "I" in team 111-64. But hey, that's better than the 49 last week. Trending in the right direction ...




The highest scorer of the week was Theon's Deflated Balls, which beat Big Kahuna Burger 129-85.

The Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions goes to Academic Probation. Just check this out:

- AP started Austin Seferian-Jenkins (1.4 points) at TE over Julius Thomas (7.1) and lost to Off Constantly by 3.02 points.
- Then the Buccaneers released Serferian-Jenkins Friday.
- Why? Because he got arrested for a second DUI. Talk about poor decisions. Even Jameis Winston is all "SMH" right now.

And the Grumble Grumble Award goes to Cant Be That Hard, which lost to The Tolbert Report 79-73 despite the fact that the aforementioned Winston scored just 4.6 points.

Cant Be That Hard grumbled this to say on the FB page:

"There is a non-zero chance that I'm going to lose to a team quarterbacked by Jameis "4 Picks and a Fumble" Wilson..."

What's wrong with that sentence. Anyone? Anyone?

TEACHERED.

Other scores from Week 2: 

- Blaupunkt beat Dolphins of Old 96-75.
- PerpetualMotionSquad beat Watt a Girl Wants 109-95.
- Muscular Mathletes beat SugaLumps 91-71.

Now it's time for FACEBOOK COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

(That doesn't have quite the same ring as Tweet of the Week, does it?)

It goes to Academic Probation for this gem:

I'm angry because I can't beat Off Constantly - and no one wants my tight end.

Solid gold. That's gonna be hard to beat this season, y'all.

Kickoff is in less than two hours. Get those teams set and let's do it.

We'll end here with another haiku from Watt a Girl Wants:

All the quarterbacks
Are getting hurt left and right
Fingers crossed mine won't