KB's Belly Shirts and Muscular Mathletes have been matching each other win for win for the past few weeks, but one team finally blinked. Academic Probation took down the Mathletes 85-68 while KB took care of business against Something witty 76-46, which means ...
NEW AVATAR ALERT
I had to scroll past so. many. wedding photos to get to that.
Now, it's worth noting that after a nearly-record-breaking performance in Week 8, KB didn't exactly blow out the winless Something. As he admitted to me, "at one point seriously thought I may lose to something shitty." But then Something didn't start a flex and, well, you know how this ends.
So KB sits alone at 8-1, the Mathletes and Academic Probation (a fitting duo, there) follow at 7-2, SugaLumps is alone in fourth at 6-3, then there are four teams at 5-4, four at 4-5, two at 3-6, one at 2-7 and then ... Something.
It's probably time to start talking about playoffs, huh?
The playoffs start Week 14 and run through Week 16, single elimination. The top eight teams make the championship playoffs and the bottom eight play in the consolation tournament. The tiebreaker, as always, is points for.
Right now, the 5-4 and better teams are in, everyone else is out. But there's a lot that can change over the final four weeks of the season. It's crunch time, y'all.
Awards
The highest scorer in Week 9 was WattCanISayExceptYou'reWelcome with 108 in a win over PerpetualMotionSquad. It was a surprisingly low-scoring week, with just one other team (Dolphins of Old with 102) hitting triple digits. Bye weeks suck, huh?
The Sad Trombone Award goes to the one, the only – Something witty, with 46 points in his loss to KB. At 0-9, Something witty has surpassed my streak of futility from last season, when I started 0-7. Will he win a game this year? Or will he be the 2008 Lions?
Fun fact: No team has ever gone winless in Royale With Cheese history. The most losses for a team in a season is 11, an honor held by two teams: SugaLumps and Something. (I finished last season 4-2 and avoided double-digit losses, thank you very much.) I believe that Something returned to Royale With Cheese this season to make a mark on this league, to do something that's never been done before. I believe in you, Something. You can do it.
I should also take a second to apologize to SugaLumps and Off Constantly —the two teams that won't get a chance to play Something witty this year. The scheduling was random, guys. I'm sorry.
I'm not giving out a Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions this week because, well, everyone no one made any huge lineup mistakes. Instead, I won't to point out the frustration Blaupunkt must be feeling right now. He set his best possible lineup – the bench literally scored zero points – while his opponent, Bueller, started three players on bye. And Bueller won by almost 30. Ouch. A for effort, Blaupunkt. Here, have an orange slice and a Capri Sun.
This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to There's no 'I' in team, which has the longest losing streak (five) of any team not named Something and sits at 2-7. There's no 'I' in team on Facebook:
There's been a lot of grumbling on the Facebook and, yes, I know this season has been hard with 16 teams. But it's tests like this that make us stronger, and show us what we're made of. It's not how you get knocked down, it's how you get back up. You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. YOLO. Shoot your shot. Keep calm and carry on.
This week
I actually wrote this early enough to remind you that the Seahawks and Cardinals play Thursday night, so set your lineups accordingly. You know who else plays Thursday night? The Tar Heels and Pitt, who have a combined 5 wins. You know ESPN is pumped to have that marquee ACC matchup in primetime.
As for Sunday, you've got the Ravens, Chiefs, Raiders and Eagles on bye.
You know what else is this week? INSCOE HOUSEHOLD BOWL. (Not to be confused with Inscoe Bowl, when Dolphins of Old kicks my butt to start every single season.) Poor Eleanor's going to be stuck in the middle of some vicious trash talking, like "Hey, who am I playing this week?" and "I'm heading to Lowe's to buy a taller ladder so I can clean the gutters." It's gonna be intense.
Eleanor's Pick of the Week
6-3 on the season
*...................................................Stares intently at own fists for 5 minutes....................................................*
(She was focusing so hard because she's calling an upset: Academic Probation 100, KB's Belly Shirts 95. Sorry Uncle Bryan.)
The Book of Faces
"My goals this season have shifted, and now I’m just hoping to disrupt the playoff contenders. Sugalumps.... you will be my first victim." -PerpetualMotionSquad
Some part of me wanted N.C. State to beat Clemson last week, just so UNC could beat the Wolfpack the last week of the season and ruin their chances at an ACC Championship. So I'm feeling this from PMS.
Bonus, from the Twitter:
@CoreyInscoe made me stop my streaking ways, now in fantasy football, as well as life. I hate you dad. @RoyaleWCheeseFB #parentingwin— Benjamin Keely (@blkeely) November 7, 2017
True. True.
Because I got Haiku
Miss Inscoe’s record
Beats most of League Royale, yet
Last week’s forecast failed
Pretty sure that's referring to Miss Eleanor. You show that baby, Eve!
