We hadn’t watched the earlier game, but I was tracking the score. After a slow start, the Muscular Mathletes had retaken the lead over Off Constantly in the 2017 Royale With Cheese championship thanks to strong performances by Le’Veon Bell and DeAndre Hopkins. Just before kickoff of the late game, I looked at Courtney and told her she had a chance. She led by 11 and Off Constantly only had one player left — Philly QB Nick Foles.
Courtney curled into the fetal position about the time Foles had pulled Off Constantly within about a point. He hadn’t been playing well and the Mathletes still had a lead deep into the second half, but it was dwindling. A touchdown would end it. A long drive with decent passing probably would, too. The Mathletes needed a little luck, and it came in the form of a fourth quarter interception. The Eagles offense had stalled — a bad thing for Off Constantly. But the score was tied — a good thing for Off Constantly, since overtime could give Foles more chances to score.
At this point, Courtney was employing sleep as a defense mechanism.
Final drive: Eagles have the ball with the score tied. A touchdown pass seals it for Off Constantly, any other type of score gives it to the Mathletes, which hold a three-point cushion. A few Foles passes lead to a field goal. Ball game.
The Muscular Mathletes are your 2017 Royale With Cheese champions.
The league has never had a repeat champion, with the Mathletes becoming the seventh team to win the title in seven seasons.
League newcomer KB’s Belly Shirts took home the regular season crown, but lost to WattCanISayExceptYou’reWelcome by less than a point in the first round of the playoffs.
Get Off My Dak won the consolation bracket to claim ninth place and the most meaningless championship, and, in possibly the biggest surprise of the season, Something witty didn’t finish last. Andy beat There’s no ‘I’ in team, the league’s inaugural champion, 77-56 to take 15th place.
Here’s a look at the final standings:
I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of another amazing Royale With Cheese season. It was thrilling and confounding, full of injuries and the most pathetic waiver wire in the history of football. I started this league on a whim seven years ago and I love how it’s developed into this weird, dysfunctional football family.
Let’s do it again next year.
