Sunday, October 18, 2015

[League Update] Week 5: The fantasy football gods are cruel and unreasonable

Let's think back to last week, shall we? When I had that awful 30-some-odd-point week and everyone was laughing at me.

You may remember that I had two starters who didn't score any points. So, like any good team owner, I put both of those underperforming (they had been for several weeks) players on my bench.

Then, this week:

- Andre Johnson scored 19 points after scoring 0 the previous two weeks and a grand total of 5.1 the first four weeks combined. On my bench.
- Ryan Mathews scored 15.6 points after scoring zero the previous week and only breaking 10 points one other time all season. On my bench.

And everyone laughed.




The fantasy football gods are cruel and unreasonable.

In other league news ... after last week we no longer have an undefeated or winless team.

The Reservoir Dogs lost their ofer status with a 96-93 win over PerpetualMotionSquad. And it wasn't taken away from them by a stat correction this time.

At the other end of the standings, Taking it one game at a time beat undefeated Academic Probation 94-84.
We now have a three-way tie for the league lead with those two teams and Free Crab Legs, which dominated the Williams Bowl with a 119-69 win over Big Kahuna Burger.

- Free Crab Legs' 119 score was the highest of the week.
- The Sad Trombone goes to Off Constantly, which was beaten 61-57 by Dolphins of Old. Gotta love having the two worst scorers of the week going against each other.



- The DOH Award clearly goes to me, because I have no idea what I'm doing with fantasy football. WMWWMJJ beat Jeff Fisher's Mullet 97-75.

Other scores;

- Blaupunkt 90, SugaLumps 77. SugaLumps is taking its lumps (see what I did there) this season. That's the team's third-straight loss and now it's tied for last place with The Reservoir Dogs.
- Cant Be That Hard 90, Muscular Mathletes 87. This was a close one, decided by the foot of Giants kicker Josh Brown on Sunday night.

There's a chance we could have a new avatar next week ... We'll have to wait and see.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs.
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Saturday, October 10, 2015

[League Update] Week 4: Premature celebration

Let's just get this out of the way first: My team was a dadgum dumpster fire last week.

OK, fine, it was a ... smoking landfill? Whatever. It was awful. I don't think I've ever fielded a team that bad. Thirty-six points. Two players scored zero points and one scored a half a point. I don't even understand.

Here's the worst part -- This is one of the first weeks where I spent a significant amount of time on my lineup. As I've told you, things have been busy recently, so most weeks I've just set up a healthy lineup and ignored it. Last week, I added and dropped and really thought things through. Clearly that's a bad strategy.

The lucky team that got to play me was Free Crab Legs, which won 81-36.
Smart ass.

I have no idea if that's the lowest full-roster point total in league history, but it sure does feel like it. Jeez. At least Tom CHEATER CHEATER CHEAT Brady is back this week.

Continuing with the fantasy-football-is-mean theme, The Reservoir Dogs were hardcore gloating about a close win ... until Tuesday. Stat corrections can be the worst.




Womp. Still 0-4.

Dogs actually ended up losing to the Muscular Mathletes 84-82. What happened? The Mathletes got an extra two points because Latavius Murray (OAK) had a fumble taken off of his stat line. It's a cruel game.

The highest point total this week came from Dolphins of Old with 108 in a win over SugaLumps, which would have been this week's Sad Trombone with 55 points if I hadn't crapped the bed so badly.

The Sad Trombone ... yeah, we already know. Me.



Other scores:

- Blaupunkt 72, WMWWMJJ 70. Blaupunkt had its best possible lineup in, pulling out the close win. The bench combined for a grand total of .2 points.
- Taking it one game at a time 89, Big Kahuna Burger 65. Your defense scoring negative points is totally fine when your running back, Devonta Freeman (ATL), goes ham with 32 points.
- Academic Probation 96, Cant Be That Hard 79. Academic Probation is confident at 4-0 right now, y'all. He's not messing around. Can he go 13-0? No pressure or anything.


- Off Constantly 81, PMS 69. At least when I have a player score 0 points, he's active and just useless. PMS had a player on a bye in its lineup. It probably wouldn't have made a difference, but still.

No random early London game this week, so it's your normal 1 p.m. deadline. Teams with a bye: Panthers (sad face), Dolphins, Vikings and Jets.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs (and more than 30 points).
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Saturday, October 3, 2015

[League Update] Week 3: NEW AVATAR ALERT!

It feels a little early to be doing this, doesn't it? We're entering Week 4 and we already have a new avatar.

Usually, I feel like, it takes a little longer to have just one undefeated team left. (I could look this up, but that would take research and stuff, and y'all don't pay me enough for that.)

(OK, fine, I looked back at last year and the new avatar actually happened after Week 3 then, too, so forget everything I just said.)

I love the parity in this league right now. Only one team is 3-0, and only one is 0-3. Everyone else is crammed in the middle at 1-2 or 2-1.

That 3-0 team? With a 88-70 win over The Reservoir Dogs (the 0-3 team), Academic Probation has taken sole possession of first place in the RWC league standings.


That means this beautiful mug is our new Twitter avatar!


What's fun to look at, though, is whose team is actually playing the best. Right now, Off Constantly leads the points for standings with 311, followed by PMS, Muscular Mathletes and Jeff Fisher's Mullet. Academic Probation comes in at fifth, but has had the third fewest points scored against him.

It's all about matchups.

Speaking of, let's take a look back at what happened last week.

- The week's highest scorer was Muscular Mathetes with 146. She beat Off Constantly (!!), which had 120 (the third-highest point total of the week.
- The Sad Trombone goes to Blaupunkt, who scored 63 in a loss to Jeff Fisher's Mullet (thanks!).


- The DOH! Award goes to Dolphins of Old, which left a minimum of 20 points on his bench and lost by less than a point to Watt Me Whip Watt Me JJ. LaGarrette Blount had 27 on the bench and Dolphins' starting running back, Ronnie Hillman scored just 7. He did have Cam Newton in the game, which was a good choice last week. Just not quite enough.

The rest of the scores:

- Taking it one game at a time 108, Free Crab Legs 67: It probably wouldn't have made a difference, but Ben Roethlisberger going down really hurt Crab Legs. But I got exciting, thinking we'd see the debut of Jameis in the RWC league! Nope. Derek Carr. BORING.

- Big Kahuna Burger 91, Cant Be That Hard 65: CBTH had two solid quarterback performances last week with Andy Dalton scoring 30 on the bench and Matt Ryan scoring 23. Too bad no one on the rest of the team (other than the defense) scored 10 points.

- PerpetualMotionSquad 138, SugaLumps 101: High scoring game, this. Lumps' best player was the defense, which just destroyed Colin Kaepernick. 4 picks, 2 sacks, 2 TDs. Ouch.

Now it's time for TWEET OF THE WEEK!


Totally unrelated to our league, but Jeremy retweeted it and it made me laugh. Bring the fire this week, y'all.

So I obviously didn't write this early enough to warn you about the Thursday night game, but I do have another warning for you: 9:30 a.m. football in England! The Jets and the Dolphins have the honor(?) of playing that early game, so be sure to get lineups set for them tonight or early tomorrow.

Finally, sorry about missing the Week 2 update. Hope it won't happen again this year. As always, if you want to guest write the update one week, I'm open to it.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs.
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