Friday, December 27, 2013

[League Update] Week 16: iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba wins the third RWC championship

It's official: iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba is the third Royale with Cheese fantasy football champion!

tuba, the No. 3 seed, beat No. 4 Cant Be That Hard 104-72 in last week's championship to claim the title.

Both had pitiful quarterback performances (CBTH's Stafford for 6.78 points, tuba's Tannehill for 3.28) but tuba got a huge boost from Pierre Garcon (20.4) and LeSean McCoy (28.2).

tuba finished the season 10-6. Can't Be that Hard finished 9-7.

tuba is the third different league champion we've had in the three years of the league.

A new league champion means a new Twitter avatar and a new entry to the Champions Bar on the right. That also means a new awkward photo. Here it is:

That's a good look, Mark.


Congratulations, iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba. Despite autodrafting your team and benching your entire team for one week, you managed to win this 14-team fantasy league. That's quite a feat. I think.

In the ever-meaningless third place game, Jeff Fisher's Mullet showed up a week late and beat Muscular Mathletes 109-70. I think Peyton and Decker were pretty good, but I'll be honest with you: I have no idea. Courtney and I didn't even check the score until late Sunday night and, even then, didn't really pay much attention. We were too busy getting drenched and watching the Panthers make a ridiculous comeback in Bank of America Stadium. It was awesome. Much more rewarding than a fantasy win, though I'm sure I'm only saying that because I wasn't in the championship.

The Reservoir Dogs won the consolation bracket with a dominating 84-36 win over Correctamundo. This was more about what Correctamundo's players didn't do than what the Dogs did.

No Correctamundo player scored more than 10 points. Russell Wilson was the closest with 9.52. Reggie Bush scored 2.4, Brandon LaFell scored 1.3 and Vernon Davis got a big ol' 0 (he did play).

In the final matchup of the week, Academic Probation won the seventh-place game with 100-69 over Getting over the hump. If you thought the third-place game was meaning less, I can only imagine how much these two cared about the consolation bracket consolation game.

Now for the final weekly awards of the 2013 season.

The Mullets scored a league-high 109 points during championship week.

The Sad Trombone Award is going out in style, carried by Correctamundo and his 36.12 points. This is Correctamundo's second Sad Trombone in three weeks after scoring 36 in Week 14. It's still no Blaupunkt Sad Orchestra.

The final You Got Lucky Award goes to The Reservoir Dogs, which played Correctamundo and scored the league's lowest winning point total: 84.



Ain't-a-one of these kids old enough to be up all night gettin' lucky. And leopard-print shirt guy is winning at life.

The Tweets of the Week go to Jeremy, for sending out these two hilarious videos. Take time to watch them.

There are games this weekend, but they don't matter to this league anymore. Enjoy them without worrying about fantasy points. Six of you have already been doing that for two weeks.

Thanks to everyone for playing this year. It's been a great season and I'm glad you all were a part of it. Thanks for trash talking, for reading this blog and for caring enough about your team to set a lineup (most) every week. And thanks most of all for humoring me and my nerdy ideas, like this blog, the Twitter account and my videos. You guys make this fun for me and I appreciate that.

Courtney and I are planning to host a Super Bowl Party that will double as a Royale with Cheese post-season party. There will be laughs, dramatic reenactments and maybe some awards. Full details will come later, but the Super Bowl is Feb. 2.

Also, this is the point where if you have any proposals for next season, send them to me and we'll start putting them up for votes.

If I can get tuba to do some kind of Q&A, that will come in a follow-up post. Until then, I hope everyone had wonderful holidays and has a very happy new year.

Corey
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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

[League Update] Week 15: tubas, Cant Be That Hard to meet in the championship

Dec. 15, 2013, will forever be remembered as Black Sunday in the Inscoe household.

It was the day that both the Muscular Mathletes and Jeff Fisher's Mullet -- the No. 1 and 2 seeds, respectively -- lost in the Royale with Cheese semifinals.

No. 3 iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba (soon to be renamed whatever the heck the score of that Texas game was) and No. 4 Cant Be That Hard will meet in the third RWC championship game this week. The two have something in common: Their real names both start with "M." But, more importantly, they are both first year teams in the league.

I'm not sure what that says about them, this league or about the meaning of life, for that matter. (Insert cheesy line about how "It must not Be That Hard" here.)

tuba beat the Mullets in the first semifinal 101-80. All but two of tuba's players and his defense scored more than 10 points in the semifinal game. The Mullets were mediocre, at best. Andre Johnson had 1.8, the law firm had . 4 and Eric Decker had 4.2. And after scoring more than 30 points each of the past two weeks, Peyton Manning had just 17.

Here's the worst part. I considered starting DeAngelo Williams, since Jonathan Stewart was out for the Panthers. But he's been pretty mediocre all year; His highest score is 11.7, which he did in Weeks 3 and 6. Had I started him, his 22.8 points would have given me 102.56, barely beating tuba. But I didn't, so I'm in the third-place game.

Not even an early Christmas present
could help the Mathletes.
Cant Be That Hard beat the Mathletes 133.70-88.72 in a matchup that was over in the first half of the Kansas City Chiefs game. Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles had a crazy game, scoring five total touchdowns and finishing with 51.5 points. That more than made up for an 8.3-point outing by Matthew Stafford.

That Jamaal Charles performance is the best single-player performance in league history, beating Tampa Bay running back Doug Martin's 51.2 last season.

So, once again, we have tubas and Cant Be That Hard in the final. Early projections have Cant Be That Hard winning 123-119, but we all know how flimsy those projections can be. These two teams have met once before, but it gives us no insight because tubas benched all his players. I have a feeling he won't be doing that this week.

We won't be doing a video preview of the championship since Morgan is in Mexico drinking lots of fruity drinks with umbrellas. I would love to have a huge group Hangout at the end of the season, though. And maybe a league/Super Bowl party/awards ceremony? Watch out for details on that.

I was worried about having to play the Mathletes in the final and the tension that would cause in the house. I'm not worried about the third-place game causing any marital problems. Sure, it will be competitive, but not like the two of us in the championship would be. Early projections give the Mullets a 118-110 edge. When we played earlier this season, Andre Johnson scored a bunch of points to help me score a 122-103 come-from-behind win.

In the consolation bracket we have No. 8 Correctamundo taking on No. 7 The Reservoir Dogs in the final. Once again, the top two teams in that bracket lost in the semifinals. These two played in Week 7, when The Reservoir Dogs won 90-83.

Correctamundo beat Getting over the hump 76-69, getting 16 points from Reggie Bush and 9.8 from Calvin Johnson on Monday night.

The Reservoir Dogs beat Academic Probation in a high-scoring game 110-104. The Dogs got 21 points each from Kirk Cousins and Dez Bryant and another 19 from Rashard Mendenhall.

That leaves No. 5 Getting over the hump and No. 6 Academic Probation playing in the seventh-place game.


Cant Be That Hard, obviously, was the top scorer in the semifinal week with 133.

The Sad Trombone goes to Getting over the hump for scoring a league-low 69 in Week 15, even though it should go to me and my lovely wife.
And the You Got Lucky Award goes to Correctamundo, who is lucky enough to play in the consolation final! Dream big.


I am glad that so many random people have covered this song on YouTube. This is the highlight of my week. 

There is no Thursday night game this week, so you've got until Sunday to figure out your life. And there are no teams with a bye. Set those lineups if you're in the playoffs! Best of luck to our two finalists. I can't wait to see whose picture will grace the blog and Twitter account.


Poll results

Both proposals were voted down 6-4 this past week, meaning we will not be doing a keeper league or allowing the league champion to pick the draft order.

If there is anything you want to propose we change about the league next season, let me know via email (corey.inscoe@gmail.com), tweet, comment or text. I am always open to suggestions, Any proposals will be put up to a league vote.

Wishing everyone sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

[League Update] Week 14: PLAYOFFS!


Here's our video preview of the championship playoffs. It's long, but worth it.


We made it! Well, some of us did.

The third regular season of the Royale with Cheese league is finished and it's time for the playoffs.

First off, congratulations to regular season champion and the season's top scorer Muscular Mathletes. They have come a long way from winning our first Sad Trombone award of the season.

Here are the brackets:

Championship

  • (1) Muscular Mathletes (11-3, 1,394 points) vs. (4) Cant Be That Hard (8-6, 1,263)
  • (2) Jeff Fisher's Mullet (9-5, 1,324) vs. (3) unc79michiganstate65 (8-6 1,393)

Consolation

  • (5) Getting over the hump (8-6, 1,227) vs. (8) Correctamundo (7-7, 1,247)
  • (6) Academic Probation (7-7, 1,318) vs. (7) The Reservoir Dogs (7-7, 1,284)
Some observations, about this past week and the season as a whole. 
  • You had to be .500 to make the playoffs. All of the 7-7 teams made it. The first teams out were 6-8. I like when it breaks evenly like that. 
  • Cant Be That Hard should be thanking unc79michiganstate65. Hard was the one playing unc when he had his "protest" and benched all of his players. Not saying that Hard wouldn't have won, but it's nice getting a guaranteed W. 
  • Speaking of unc and the protest, that team was the second-highest scorer on the season, just one point behind the Mathletes. And it got 0 points one week. 
  • Monday night was a big one for several teams. Cant Be That Hard and Getting over the hump were going head-to-head in Week 14, with the winner making the championship playoff. But GOTH couldn't get enough out of Romo and Gould to get the win. 
  • The Reservoir Dogs must have been hurting the most after Monday night. A win would have put Dogs in the championship as the fourth seed, but they fell 5 points short of a win over Chicks Dig Scars. Dez Bryant just couldn't get that second touchdown.
  • Speaking of Chicks, they finally broke the losing streak with a nice win in the last week of the season. Not to beat a dead horse, but the Chicks were in first place earlier this season and ended up missing both playoffs after a 7-game losing streak.
  • Muscular Mathletes' league-high 1,394 points on the season is actually the lowest league-high total in the three-year history of the league. Correctamundo scored 1,431 last season and Gangster Teddy Bears (which actually finished fifth in the regular season) scored 1,438 points.
  • The top seed going into the playoffs has only won the league championship once when Taking it to the next level did it in 2011, the first year. Last year's league champion, Blaupunkt, was the second seed coming into the playoffs.
  • This is the first time in the short history of the league that the previous league champion hasn't made the championship playoff. Blaupunkt didn't even make the consolation playoffs.
  • The best single-game performance by an individual player this season was in Week 1, when Peyton Manning scored 46.28 points. That's still less than the highest single-game performance by a individual player in league history, which came when Doug Martin scored 51.2 points in 2012.
  • PerpetualMotionSquad had a strong finish to the season, winning three weeks in a row. It also had a strong finish last year and still started horribly this season. But after being alone in last place, PMS actually finished in a tie at the bottom with Blaupunkt and Something.
  • PMS is also the only team that has been in the league more than one year and never made the playoffs. Four teams have made either the championship or consolation playoffs all three seasons: Correctamundo, Getting over the hump, Academic Probation and Jeff Fisher's Mullet.
  • I think that's all I have, but I accidentally hit return on my bulleted list and don't feel like deleting it. 
There's a lot of business to take care of this week, so let's move straight to the awards. 

Everyone give a standing ovation to unc79michiganstate65. It scored a league-high 164.25 points this week. That's the highest single-week score in league history, easily passing Blaupunkt's 144.12 score from Week 2 in 2012. The stars aligned for unc. Josh McCown, Marques Colston, Jimmy Graham, LeSean McCoy and Matt Forte all had breakout games in Week 14. Unfortunately for Panthers fans, two of those teams helped Drew Brees slice-and-dice the Panthers' secondary. I may or may not have cussed out Mark in a text message because of that. 



This week's very Sad Trombone award goes to Correctamundo, which fell all to pieces when it mattered most, scoring 33 points in Week 14. It's no Blaupunkt Sad Orchestra, but it came at a worse time. 

The You Got Lucky Award goes to Something, which actually had the second-lowest point total of the weekend but was lucky enough to play Correctamundo. 



Now to other league business. 

I am putting forth two proposals for the league. When this post goes up, there will be two poll questions on this blog, in the right rail. I'd like for you to vote on them. Majority wins, whether I like it or not. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. 

Proposal 1: Make this a keeper league. 

There is functionality in NFL.com Fantasy that allows "keepers." That basically means that each team can keep a certain number of players from one season to the next. I propose we allow one keeper per season. That means that if you have a player that you want to keep going into next season, you can. For example, if I wanted to keep Peyton Manning, I could. I would still have to draft the rest of my team next year.

Note: To clear up some confusion, you don't have to keep a player each year. Those who don't keep a player will just have an extra draft pick. (Here's the keeper help section on NFL.com: http://www.nfl.com/fantasyfootball/help/custom-keepers.)

The keeper essentially takes the place of one of your draft picks. It looks like the default is that it takes the place of your first draft pick, but that could be changed. We can decide that if the vote comes out in favor of keepers.

Thanks, Katie, for asking the question. 

Proposal 2: League champion chooses the draft order. 

In the interest of giving us something to play for and something to win, I propose that the league champion is the one that sets the draft order for the next season. They can choose the order based on any rationale they choose. The only criteria is, obviously, every team must have a pick. To balance it out, I say that we still keep the "snake" system, where the draft order reverses between each round. So if you pick first in the first round, you'll pick last in the second round, and then first again in the third. 

Again, these polls are on the right side of the blog. Please vote by next Tuesday, if possible. It's only two clicks. 

This week's Thursday night game is between the Chargers and the Broncos. No teams have a bye week. 

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs, 

Corey
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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

[League Update] Week 13: Manning to Decker, Manning to Decker, ManningtoDecker MANNINGTODECKER!

If the season ended right now, here's how the playoffs would look:

Championship

  1.  Muscular Mathletes -- 10-3 (1,292 points for)
  2. Jeff Fisher's Mullet -- 8-5 (1,201 pf)
  3. Getting over the hump -- 8-5 (1,145 pf)
  4. Academic Probation -- 7-6 (1,234 pf)
Consolation
  1. iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba -- 7-6 (1,228 pf)
  2. Correctamundo -- 7-6 (1,214 pf)
  3. The Reservoir Dogs -- 7-6 (1,191 pf)
  4. Cant Be That Hard -- 7-6 (1,168 pf)
On the bubble
  • Dolphins of Old -- 6-7 (1,059 pf)
  • Big Kahuna Burger -- 6-7 (1,058 pf)
No chance
  • Chicks Dig Scars -- 5-8 (1,041 pf)
  • Blaupunkt -- 5-8 (998 pf)
  • PerpetualMotionSquad -- 4-9 (1,013 pf)
  • Something -- 4-9 (1,002 pf)
Let's take a closer look at these groups. 

1) The Muscular Mathletes are the only team that has clinched a championship playoff spot going into Week 14, the final week of the regular season. They did it with a huge 129-105 win over Correctamundo, thanks to Cam Newton (27 points), Alshon Jeffery (36) and the Detroit Lions defense (22). 

Jeff Fisher's Mullet and Getting over the hump are tied for second place at 8-5 after both won in Week 13. As best as I can tell, those two teams have clinched at least an appearance in the consolation playoffs. 

Academic Probation is one of five teams tied at 7-5, but gets the final championship playoff spot because of the "Points for" tiebreak. The team has won three games in a row to get in this position. 

2) The difference one game can make. Correctamundo came into Week 13 tied for second but dropped out of the top four after a loss to the Mathletes. 

Only one of these four teams -- The Reservoir Dogs -- won its last game. tubas took a loss to Big Kahuna Burger and Cant be that hard learned just how hard it can be against the Mullets (much, much more on that later). 

I like that all of the teams tied at 7-6 are in right now. I hope it works out in a similar way after next week. I'd hate to see a team miss the playoffs based on "Points for." But it could happen. These four teams are in a precarious position with two teams just one game behind them on the bubble. 

3) Winning is crucial for Big Kahuna Burger and Dolphins of Old. 

BKB is on a roll as of late with three straight wins. Getting a fourth straight won't be easy. BKB faces the Mathletes in the season finale. But BKB did come out on top 121-56 when these two teams met in the season opener. 

The Dolphins have had a roller coaster season, never winning more than two games in a row. They lost their last game to 93-78 to PMS. They'll face the Mullets in the season finale. The Dolphins beat the Mullets 124-122 in the season opener. 

4) Chicks Dig Scars has had one of the worst collapses I can remember in this league. The team was alone in first place early this season, but has since lost seven straight games, falling out of a chance at the playoffs. 

Blaupunkt is the defending league champion and started the season 2-0, but has since lost eight of its last 11. It's easy to see why: Blaupunkt is the only team that hasn't scored at least 1,000 points this season. 

I really thought PMS would break through this year. Its owner knows how to play, he seemed excited, but something kept holding him back. PMS started 1-8 and never really recovered, even though it has won three of its last four games. 

And then there's Something. Something has lost five straight games, all by at least 19 points. And this is the team owned by the guy who said on Facebook we should get rid of some of the dead weight in the league and that he always set his lineup (he didn't). 

So there you have it. There's a lot on the line in this final week. With fantasy implications and the Panthers playing the Saints Sunday night, my stress level will be very high this weekend. 

Now for the awards! 

I'm sure you expected me to brag at the top of this post. I wanted to, really. But I held back. Until now. WOOOOOOO!! Peyton Manning to Eric Decker not once, not twice, not three times, but FOUR TIMES for touchdowns.

Just one of the beautiful throws ... and catches.
Courtney and I were actually in the car on the way back from Cary during the game and I had her checking the score. Every time she did, Decker had scored another touchdown and I did a little dance. By the fourth, I was bouncing up and down and giggling like a maniac. Then Steven Jackson had a 20-point game with two touchdowns. It was just glorious. 

All that is to say that my 133 points was the highest this week, barely beating the Mathletes. 

That brings me to TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK: The one where Morgan tries to get me to trash talk and then gets mad when I do. 


This week's Sad Trombone goes to Something, which continued its slide down the standings with a 59 point showing in Week 13.

And the next to last You Got Lucky Award goes to Getting over the hump, which had the lowest winning score (86) in Week 13 and was lucky enough to play Something.


This week's Thursday night game is between the Texans and Jaguars. Figure out what you want to do with those players before Thursday night.

No teams are on a bye in Week 14. (Hooray!) Make sure you set the rest of your lineup by Sunday. This is not the week to forget!

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Wednesday, November 27, 2013

[League Update] Week 12: When we stop being polite and start getting real

Holy crap, y'all. Was it this crazy last season? I honestly can't remember.

With just two weeks left in the regular season, no one is guaranteed a playoff spot. Five teams are tied for second place with 7-5 records: unc93louisville84, Correctamundo, Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet and Getting over the hump.

Three more -- Academic Probation, The Reservoir Dogs and Dolphins of Old -- are 6-6.

I have no idea who will make the playoffs. The Mathletes, who have been the dominant team over the second half of the season, still haven't clinched a championship playoff spot, according to my simple math. And, obviously, only three or four of those 7-5 teams could make the championship playoffs. That doesn't take into account the 6-6 teams who could finish 8-6 and be right in the mix.

Several top teams took tough losses this week. The Mathletes could have clinched a playoff spot, but lost to Getting over the hump 111-87. Correctamundo and the Mullets could have moved into a tie for second place, but Correctamundo lost 105-82 to uncisthegreatest and the Mullets lost to PerpetualMotionSquad 73-53 (more on that later).

As an aside, I should have known better than to make fun of Squad the week I played it. I was just asking for a beating. Sunday night was miserable, for both me and the missus. Manning was sub-par and one of the two touchdown passes he had went to Demarius Thomas, who Squad started. Stevan Ridley fumbled in the first quarter, never to be seen again. That meant more touches for Shane Vereen, also on Squad. And Manning's mediocrity hurt the Mathletes, too, since Knowshon Moreno (Getting over the hump) got a crap-ton of carries.


With the standings so tight, every game is big in Week 13. But two jump out to me. Cant Be That Hard and Jeff Fisher's Mullet play and both are 7-5 teams. This could go a long way in determining the playoffs. And Correctamundo, another 7-5 team, plays the Mathletes (9-3). A win by Correctamundo would keep it in second place and just one game behind the Mathletes going into the final week.

I think we're all going to be obsessing over our lineups a little more this week.

Now for the awards.

Getting over the hump is the highest point scorer for Week 12 with 111, barely beating out Academic Probation with 110.

I am the saddest trombone after a pathetic 53 point performance in Week 12.



I thought Blaupunkt was going to take the bullet again, but he got 21 points from Anquan Boldin on Monday night to get all the way to 59 points.

Not hard enough ... 

This week's You Got Lucky Award goes to my opponent, PerpetualMotionSquad, for having the lowest winning score at 73. Enjoy the small victories, buddy.



Now it's time for TWEET OF THE WEEK! Chosen because it perfectly captures how I felt Sunday night.


Honorable mention, for creative hashtagging:


This week is, obviously, Thanksgiving, which means three (THREE!) games on Thanksgiving Day. They are:

  • Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions, 12:30 p.m.
  • Oakland Raiders vs. Dallas Cowboys, 4:30 p.m.
  • Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens, 8:30 p.m.
Make sure to decide what you want to do with players on those teams by noon Thursday. 

No teams are on a bye week this week or the rest of the season (thank goodness). So you should have your full lineup for the rest of our regular season and both playoff games. No excuses. 

Good luck this week and I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs and no wind so Peyton can throw the dadgum ball, 

Corey
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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

[League Update] Week 11: Steven doesn't read this so ...

PerpetualMotionSquad's owner, Steven, told me earlier this week he doesn't read this blog, so it shouldn't bother him if I spend the first part of this update trashing him.

PMS had a really strong week this week, scoring more than 100 points. It still lost, though. Why? Well, partly because its opponent had a monster week (we'll get to that later) but also because the owner didn't have an active kicker in his lineup.

He tried to force through a trade with Andy through after games had already started, but even I don't have the power to make that happen. (Shut up, Mark.) The two then tried another trade, but that (shocker) didn't work either.

Why didn't he set his lineup?

Via text:

"Shit - hungover and I haven't set my lineup. And stranded." 

Sound familiar?

More, via Facebook chat:

did it ever occur to you that I drink to take away the pain of being in last place? 
it was this time last year that I was on the tail end of a killer winning streak 
Watching the league this weekend re-invigorated my passion 
i'm just sad that it's all going to be over soon

We may have to rethink how the draft works. I don't know if this should be rewarded with the No. 1 pick.

Like Tom Brady's pass to Gronkowski last night as time expired, the Muscular Mathletes are uncatchable. Or nearly so.



The Mathletes maintained a two-game lead over the rest of the league with a 107-93 win over Cant Be That Hard in Week 11. Based on my math (and confirmed by the chief Mathlete), the Mathletes can clinch a championship playoff spot with a win this week over Getting over the hump.



By my quick count, it seems like the only person eliminated from the championship playoffs is PMS (2-9). It's harder for the 4-7 teams, Something and Big Kahuna Burger, but there's definitely a shot to make it into one of the playoff brackets.



Remember, there are only three weeks left in the season.

Tied for second behind the Mathletes are Jeff Fisher's Mullet (woohoo!) and Correctamundo. I had a comfortable win for the first time in a while (thanks, Something!) and Correctamundo won its second straight game.

In a four-way tie for fourth at 6-5 we have: iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba (I will not acknowledge your new name, troll), The Reservoir Dogs, Can't Be That Hard and Getting over the hump.

Four more teams are tied for eighth at 5-6: Academic Probation, Dolphins of Old, Chicks Dig Scars and Blaupunkt. Chicks Dig Scars has lost six of its last seven games since it last had the Twitter avatar.


Now it's time for this week's awards.

The Reservoir Dogs had the highest point total in Week 11 in a 131-107 win over PerpetualMotionSquad.

Big Kahuna Burger couldn't quite avoid the Sad Trombone Award this week. She scored a league low 49 points in a loss to Blaupunkt, last week's winner of the inaugural Sad Orchestra Award.

And some You Got Lucky action goes to Blaupunkt for scoring the lowest winning point total (85) in that game against BKB. (Please watch this video.)



Now it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK: The Eff Tom Brady Edition



This week's Thursday night game is between the Saints and the Falcons. You know what to do. Set the rest of your lineup by Sunday.

Teams with byes in Week 12: Bills, Bengals, Eagles and Seahawks.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey

P.S. I love Steve Smith. "Ice up, son!"
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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

[League Update] Week 10: It's a cruel, cruel game

Fantasy football is a cruel game sometimes.

PerpetualMotionSquad dropped Nick Foles Oct. 30 when he got injured. Since then he's had weeks of 45 and 22 points.

The Muscular Mathletes kept Tavon Austin on the bench since he had scored less than a point in each of the previous two weeks. He scored 26 Sunday.

And even when The Reservoir Dogs lost their running back to injury early in the Monday night game, Jeff Fisher's Mullets couldn't get .9 points out of Vincent Jackson to win the game. (Didn't catch a dadgum pass in the second half!) The Mullets lost by less than a point.


Then there's Blaupunkt. Blaupunkt set a full lineup with active players and scored -- wait for it -- 29 points. The highest point scorer on his team was the Seahawks defense with 8 points. That's the lowest point total in league history, beating out a 35 by PMS last year.

For that exercise in epic futility, Blaupunkt is Week 10's clear winner of the Sad Trombone Award. Forget Sad Trombone. Blaupunkt needs a whole Sad Orchestra. Blaupunkt needs to sit in a corner with a dunce cap on while a whole Sad Orchestra circles around and mocks him.


Big Kahuna Burger is just happy Blaupunkt was more pathetic this week. BKB scored 42 points.

Fantasy Football is a frustrating and unpredictable game. That's what makes it fun (and what makes the projected points all but useless).
After 10 weeks of play, there are the haves -- Muscular Mathletes -- the have nots -- PMS -- and everyone else.

The Mathletes extended their lead on the league back to two games with a 20-point win over Something and a Mullet loss. PMS finally won a second game, but is still two games behind the 13th place team. PMS' owner told me his goal was to win out and go 6-8. That's how he finished last year, just missing the playoffs.
Everyone give yourselves a pat on the back. You deserve it.

The trash talking on Twitter has been incredible since my little temper tantrum a couple weeks ago. The Reservoir Dogs started it with me early in the week (and backed it up). Tweets were flying left and right all weekend, so much so that I missed some and didn't see them until I was looking back over the @RoyaleWithCheese mentions for this post.

There are so many good ones I couldn't decide on TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK, so here's a good sampling:



Thank you all! It makes it so much more fun. Keep it up the rest of the season!

On a related note, all 14 league members are now on Twitter. I have created a Twitter list with everyone in it. Now you can direct your trash talk to exactly who deserves it.
Correctamundo led the league with 102 points this week. He and Dolphins of Old were the only teams to break 100 this week.

And the Week 10 You Got Lucky Award goes to Cant Be That Hard for winning with just 61 points. (For those wondering why iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba benched his entire team, click here. We've talked. It's cool. Moving on.)


Cant Be That Hard is on a three-game win streak and has moved into a tie for second place in the league. Trust me, you guys, Cant Be That Hard winning is bad for everyone. We'll never hear the end of it.

It is more important than ever to set your lineup this week. The difference between second place and 13th place is two games. Every game is important to playoff seeding. There are only four more games left in the regular season and only four teams make the championship playoffs. Four more make the consolation bracket. The tie-breaker is "Points For."

This week's Thursday night game is between the Colts and Titans. Decide what you want to do with players on those teams before Thursday night. Set the rest of your lineup by Sunday.

Teams with a bye in Week 11: Cowboys and Rams.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, November 5, 2013

[League Update] Week 9: 'The Victory'

"The Victory" 
A one-act play

[Corey and Courtney sit on the couch. Corey looks defeated, his fantasy team down 10 points to his wife and both have a wide receiver left. Corey's receiver, Andre Johnson, had only scored more than 10 points twice all season.

 With a sigh, he picks up his phone and sends out a tweet.]


[Cut to 20 minutes later. The game between the Houston Texans and Indianapolis Colts has begun. Corey is in a back room when he hears the TV announcer say something about Andre Johnson. He comes into the living room just in time to see a replay of the receiver's first touchdown catch.]

COREY: Wooooooo!! [Does a little jig in the hallway.]

[Cut to a few minutes later. Corey is sitting on the couch again with Courtney. He looks a little less defeated. There is hope in his eyes now that he has a two point lead, but it's still too close for comfort.

 Andre Johnson catches another touchdown pass.]

COREY: Holy crap! Did you see that?!? [Corey throws up a triumphant fist pump. He's taken a solid lead over Courtney. Maybe hope is not lost.]

[A few minutes later, Andre Johnson catches his third touchdown pass of the first half. Corey starts dancing on the couch and giggling maniacally. He knows he has won. He can't keep it in.]

COREY: hehehehehehe woooo!

[Courtney barely lifts her eyes from her computer screen to send an icy glare to Corey.]

COURTNEY: Stop it.

[The end.]

That's pretty much how it went. Courtney was a gracious loser. I did not sleep on the couch. I'll admit, the Muscular Mathletes should have beaten Jeff Fisher's Mullet. That win was blind luck. But I'd rather be lucky than good any day. Especially in fantasy football.

Andre Johnson had 40.9 points. That's just absurd. All but 39 of his yards came in the first half.

Courtney had a receiver in the Monday night game, Alshon Jeffrey. He had a solid game with 12 points, but it wasn't enough. The Mullets won 122-103. Courtney should just be glad that we didn't have a bet like this on the matchup. (You're going to want to click that link.)

I'm going to take this time to address the controversy (?) involving the trade between the Mullets and Correctamundo. First, let me say that Correctamundo proposed the trade. He thought it was fair, and I agreed. Second, I did change the pending period to make sure the trade processed by Sunday to help both of us. I wasn't trying to sneak it past anyone, which is why I sent the email. I gave everyone the option to vote it down if they felt like it was a shady move. Obviously that didn't happen. I wasn't trying to pull anything over on you. If you were trying to do a last minute trade and needed a similar change, I would have done it. And finally, the trade ended up being pointless. Phillip Rivers, who I traded for and started, actually got five points less than Jason Campbell, who I picked up and left on my bench. Serves me right, I guess.

Anyway, the Mullets' win and losses by Correctamundo, Getting over the hump and Chicks Dig Scars put the Mullets alone in second place with the Mathletes still in first place by a game. Like I've said the past few weeks, the standings are really close. Everyone -- except for PerpetualMotionSquad -- still has a chance to make the playoffs with five weeks left in the regular season.

Speaking of PMS, it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!

I usually wait until later in the blog post, but these gems deserve higher play. Big Kahuna Burger was on a roll with the PMS jokes this week, and she backed them up with an 83-68 win.



PMS is now 1-8 in the league. If I start to suspect that you're tanking for a draft pick ... well really I'll just feel bad for you if that's what it's come to.

It looks like last week's blog post was effective. The trash talk was better and all but one team (PMS, but he was out of the country) had a full lineup this week. Nicely done! Now don't make me get cranky again.

Even with Andre Johnson's huge game, the Mullets were not the highest point scorer of the week. That honor goes to iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba, who scored 124 points in a 19 point win over Something.

The You Got Lucky Award this week goes to Big Kahuna Burger, who had the lowest winning point total, 83. Anyone who plays PMS gets lucky, amiright?? (Don't think too hard about that one ...)

And a huge Sad Trombone goes to Chicks Dig Scars, who scored a league-low 56 points in a loss to Cant Be That Hard. Remember when Chicks had the Twitter avatar? Now they've lost three straight games. Womp womp, indeed.

I worry that this blog is getting too Mullets-centric, but that's because I don't have enough time on Tuesday nights to go through every single game and find all the interesting facts. So I trust you to send me interesting/funny/ridiculous stuff that happens over the weekend. I will include it. Tweet, email, text, whatever. Just hit me up.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Redskins and Vikings. Decide what you want to do with players on those teams by Thursday night. Figure out the rest of your lineup by kickoff on Sunday.

Teams with byes in Week 10: Browns, Chiefs, Patriots and Jets. (Peyton's back!)

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs (even you, Mathletes!),

Corey
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

[League Update] Week 8: We need to talk ...

Royale with Cheesers: We need to talk.

I know we're midway through the season and the newness has worn off. I know that Halloween is coming up and you're trying to craft the perfect costume. And I'm fully aware that my jokes in the blog post have gone drastically downhill. But this is unacceptable.

Three teams -- Chicks Dig Scars, Blaupunkt and Dolphins of Old -- failed to set a complete lineup this week. These are all teams that have done well this season. Dolphins has had some of the highest scores of the season, Blaupunkt started 2-0 (and is one of the few that brings it on the Twitter trash talk, but we'll get to that) and Chicks had the friggin' avatar for a few weeks this season.

C'mon, y'all! You can set your lineup from a mobile app, for Pete's sake. No excuses! Play like champions!

Also, where is the trash talk? A few of you are taking to Twitter to gloat about your team, and I appreciate it. But we need more! What's the point of fantasy football if you're not going to bust your opponent when his quarterback scores negative points?!? (More on that later ...)

Use the Twitter, the comments on this blog or the message board on the league site. That's what it's for.

One owner, who shall remain nameless, responded to trash talk from another owner, who shall also remain nameless, by saying that (s)he doesn't even look at his/her team until Tuesday and figured it would lose anyway. Then that owner said (s)he hoped the original trash talker won the league.

HUH?!?

Less of that! More of this:



That's the kind of passion I want to see, people! I know it's hard when we're not all in the same place, but we can do this. I have faith in all of you. Bring out the smack talk.

Onto the League Update ...

One team that is taking this league seriously to a scary degree is Muscular Mathletes. The Mathletes reeled off a seventh straight win and is still in first place.

Because Chicks lost (see above) and Jeff Fisher's Mullet lost (...) the Mathletes now have a cozy two game lead on the league. And the Gronk is back.

As Peyton Manning goes, so do the Mullets. And Peyton Manning went "eh." The elder Manning is finally cooling off after his hot start, which means the Mullets need someone (anyone!) else on the team to step up. *Looks at roster, starts quietly weeping.*

The league is still really bunched up right now. The difference between second place and 13th place is two games. We're just past the halfway point of the season, so a lot can still happen. Remember that the top four teams go into the championship bracket and the next four go into the consolation bracket. The bottom six teams go into no bracket. Don't let that be you.

I started to write that I felt bad for PerpetualMotionSquad. PMS can't catch a break. The team is 1-7. It would take a miracle at this point for the team to make the playoffs. This is the same team that started off 0-5 last year. But the owner is getting to hang out in Australia, so whatever.

Let's take a trip in the Way Back Machine. I wrote this sentence in the League Update for Week 2:

Speaking of iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba: Who knew that getting Michael Vick in the autopick draft was going to be a good thing?

I may have spoken too soon. Vick scored negative .7 points last week. Ouch. I'm pretty sure Christian Ponder is still a free agent.

The Reservoir Dogs are back in the hunt after 78-74 win over Big Kahuna Burger, which has now lost four straight. The Dogs also get this week's You Got Lucky Award for having the lowest winning score.


Getting over the hump is on a bit of a roll, winning its third straight game 112-46 over the aforementioned Dolphins of Old. Dolphins gets the Sad Trombone Award for its half-hearted 46 point performance.

The top scorer of Week 8 was Correctamundo with 122 points.


Megatron went nuts Sunday. I mean, 329 reception yards?? C'mon, man. That's ridiculous.

Which brings us to TWEET OF THE WEEK:


Something's owner texted me this week and said "This week is gonna be a tipping point." Will it be? We'll see.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Cincinatti Bengals and the Miami Dolphins. Decide what you want to do with players on those teams before Thursday night and set the rest of your lineup by Sunday.

Teams with byes this week: Cardinals, Lions, Jaguars, Giants, 49ers and Broncos. WAIT, WHAT?!? No! I can't live without Peyton. And I play the Mathletes this week?? This is so unfair!

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACL's (except for the Mathletes),

Corey
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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

[League Update] Week 7: 'It pays to do your math homework'

A new video! You (may, but probably don't) know what that means ...


A new league leader and a new avatar. Muscular Mathletes came through with a strong performance to beat Chicks Dig Scars (5-2) 111-80 in a game between two teams tied for first place. The Mathletes (6-1) have won six games in a row since having the lowest point total in Week 1. Impressive stuff.

Let me take this time to say that the Mathletes have not gotten here with help from me. The owner is obsessed. She was checking her phone Tuesday night, game-planning for the match-up with Chicks. She was genuinely worried that, by some miracle, Hakeem Nicks would score 40 points Monday night and she would lose. I have created a monster.

The other team in the household, Jeff Fisher's Mullets, has also been impressive, if I may say so. (I may.) Peyton Manning came through once again, scoring just enough in a loss Sunday night to help the Mullets beat iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba 90-86. Both teams were tied for second place in the league. That's now five straight wins for your Mullets after starting 0-2.

The middle of the league is all kinds of bunched up. Nine teams are either 4-3 or 3-4. Playoff spots are very up for grabs.

Something else I noticed while looking at the standings: The "Points For" and "Points Against" for some teams are very interesting.

Blaupunkt (3-4) has benefited from having the lowest "Points against" total in the league: 564.78.

The Reservoir Dogs, on the other hand, have had a rough draw. Teams have scored 743.7 against the Dogs, an average of more than 106 points per week. That's 70 more total points than any other team has had scored against it. With that considered, it's impressive the Dogs are even 3-4.

Wonder why PerpetualMotionSquad is at the bottom of the league at 1-5? It has scored 512.92 total points this year. That's 73.3 points per game for PMS, and more than 50 points lower than the total of any other team in the league. PMS may want to consider some roster moves.

Speaking of, PMS was part of the saddest game of the season in Week 7, losing to Getting over the hump 59.18-50.50. I haven't gone back through the entire history of the league, but I can't remember any game where both teams scored in the 50s. That's rough, y'all.

That actually brings us to the TWEET OF THE WEEK!


It loves you, too. Congratulations for winning the You Got Lucky Award.

The Mathletes, in addition to being the stars of the video, scored the most points in the league in Week 7 with 111.56 points.

Something's owner texted me last week complaining that he hadn't made the League Update this year until I mentioned his lack of a running back in Week 6. While that's simply not true, I told him he would make this week. And, boy, did he give me a reason to write about him.

Something managed just 49.32 points (with a full lineup) in a loss to Blaupunkt. To make things worse, players on Something's bench outscored its starters by nearly 30 points. Three players on the bench scored at least 20 points. That performance is very worthy of the Sad Trombone Award for Week 7.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Panthers and Buccaneers. Make sure to decide what you want to do with players on those teams before Thursday night. Set the rest of your lineup by kickoff Sunday.

Teams on a bye Week 8: Ravens, Bears, Texans, Colts, Chargers and Titans.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

[League Update] Week 6: Started from the bottom ...

Started from the bottom now we're here.
Started from the bottom now my whole team f***in' here.
-Drake

Awwwwww, yeah. The Inscoe household is killing it right now.

If you remember, Muscular Mathletes started the season with the worst score in the league. The team has won five straight since then and moved into a tie for first place.

Jeff Fisher's Mullet started 0-2 and has now reeled off four straight wins to move into a tie for second.

We started from the bottom now we're here.

***

We have another week of huge match-ups in the league.

Last week two teams tied for first place -- Chicks Dig Scars and iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba -- met, with Chicks keeping a hold on first place and the Twitter avatar. In Week 7, the two teams tied for first play again with Mathletes and Chicks. (Girl fight!)

Just below them in the standings, two teams tied for second face off in Week 7: Mullet and tuba. (The other team tied for second, Correctamundo, plays 2-4 The Reservoir Dogs.) It's worth noting that, though we're tied in the standings, tuba has scored 103 more points this season than I have.

One team has been moving the opposite direction in the standings over the past few weeks. Defending champion Blaupunkt has lost 4 straight games after starting the season 2-0. Is the king dead?



Last week, I tossed out the idea of changing my team name to "Peyton Manning and the Horse****s." It made sense at the time. He was scoring at least 30 points a week and was basically the only reason I had three wins coming into last week. And in Week 6, he was playing the Jaguars. The hopeless, hopeless soon-to-be L.A. Jaguars! I figured he would have 50 points and come out at halftime.

Thirteen points. Peyton threw an interception and fumbled twice. Wow. Luckily, other players stepped up enough to chomp Big Kahuna Burger. (See top of post.)

A couple of games came down to Monday night again last week. Correctamundo (4-2) sneaked past Academic Probation (1-5) 94.98-92.6 with 4.3 points from T.Y. Hilton before he got hurt Monday night. Cant Be That Hard (3-3) used 8.8 points from Reggie Wayne Monday to beat PerpetualMotionSquad (1-5) 83.72-74.96.


Week 6 was a relatively low scoring week. It was the first time all year that no team scored more than 100 points.

The top scorer from Week 6 was Muscular Mathletes with 97.68.

The You Got Lucky Award yours truly, for scoring the lowest point total (79.1) of the winners in Week 6. (Friggin' Peyton Manning.)

And this week's Sad Trombone goes to Dolphins of Old, which has been about as consistent as a roller coaster this season. Dolphins scored 47.88 in a loss to Something, which didn't even start an active running back.

Now it's time for TWEETS OF THE WEEK!

We had some major trash talking this week! OK, it was pretty minor. But it happened. And, otherwise, y'all were kind of boring on the tweeter this weekend.*



Yeah, that whole 20 points thing didn't happen. Better luck next time.

This week's Thursday night game -- if you're not watching UNC get killed by totally come out of nowhere and beat Miami (positive thoughts ...) -- is between the Seattle Seahawks and the Arizona Cardinals. Set your players for those teams by kickoff Thursday. Set everything else by Sunday.

Teams with a bye week: Saints and Raiders.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey

*Seriously, I want your submissions for the blog. Tweeting is one way, but you can also shoot me a longer email or text with something you want included. I'll be happy to add it in. 
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Tuesday, October 8, 2013

[League Update] Week 5: Everyone's a winner. And a loser.

I'm starting the blog with Peyton Manning again. It's my blog, dammit. 

Just look at this: 



1) This guy is like 90 years old, 2) He tricked EVERYONE in the stadium and 3) Jogged into the end zone like he was winning the nursing home 5K. Magical. 

His talented geriatric butt helped me take down undefeated and first-place Chicks Dig Scars 96.96-87.46. 
Oh yeah, that happened.

But seriously, I would be 0-5 if not for Peyton Manning. I'm this close to renaming my team "Peyton and the Horses***s." How in the world did I feel good about this team after I drafted? But, because of Peyton, I've won three straight weeks and moved up to tied for fourth.

It got scary Monday night, though. Matt Ryan and Julio Jones made a furious comeback. Thank goodness they didn't connect on any touchdown passes.

I wasn't the only one sweating out Monday night.

Correctamundo edged past Big Kahuna Burger 77.24-74.48 in this week's "You're sleeping on the couch!" game. He earned the win with 4.7 points from Bilal Powell Monday night.

Another prayer for bodily harm went unfulfilled.
Academic Probation squeaked out its first win of the year (!!!) by less than a point because the Falcons defense managed to get three points.

PerpetualMotionSquad also got its first win of the year (!!!) and it would have come down to Monday night if Something's running back, Steven Jackson, had actually played.

In honor of his win, I won't use Perpetual's unfortunate acronym.

The Reservoir Dogs snuck past Cant Be That Hard 110.42-108.28 to win its second game in a row. The Dogs had the highest score of the week and that one did not come down to Monday night.
Finally, Muscular Mathletes has won a fourth straight game after having the lowest score Week 1. She's now in a tie for first. (I swear that nepotism thing is not happening.)

If you're keeping score at home, you'll know that now every team has at least one win and one loss. This league is wide open.

Now for the awards!

The most fitting Sad Trombone Award of the year goes to Blaupunkt (he plays trombone ... get it?) who barely showed up with a 48 point performance. One player scored in double digits. Ouch.

The You Got Lucky Award is too-close-to-call between Correctamundo and PerpetualMotionSquad, both scoring 77 points in wins. PMS (oopsies) .92 points out of his quarterback, Matt Schaub.



Now for TWEET OF THE WEEK!

Football has been unkind to your commissioner. It's hard to watch the sport when your two teams (Tar Heels and Panthers) have combined for two wins and are so hopeless I'm not sure either will win again.

The only thing keeping me sane is fantasy football.

It's good to know one person is looking out for me.

Thanks, Vader.

This week's Thursday game is between the Giants and Bears. If you have players on those teams, decide what you want to do before kickoff Thursday night. Set the rest by Sunday.

Teams with a bye in Week 6: Falcons and Dolphins.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

[League Update] Week 4: Tubas fall, Scars win

It's a big day people. A big day! Why? Watch the video.


That's right, we've got a new Twitter avatar, changed as soon as this post was published. How long will Chicks Dig Scars keep it? That's up to you guys.

Chicks pulled it off in dramatic fashion, getting 24.2 points from Darren Sproles on Monday night in the come-from-behind victory over Blaupunkt. Nearly 70 of Chicks' points came in Sunday Night and Monday Night Football. Clutch.

iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba also came into the week 3-0, but he didn't do as well. He actually requested I use this video to describe his performance in Week 4:



Tuba fail.

"Tubas might be heading down the drain," iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba said over the phone about his team's 136-120 loss to Dolphins of Old.

When Dolphins of Old is on, it's scary. He had the highest point total this week and, if you remember, he made me cry into this blog after beating me with the highest point total opening week. The combination of Andrew Luck and Adrian Peterson is scary.

Speaking of scary combinations: PerpetualMotionSquad and Academic Probation are 0-4.

Now PMS started last year 0-5, but then he had an excuse: He had no idea what he was doing. He didn't know how to set a line up. Once he found out, he had a solid season, barely missing out on the playoffs.

This year? No excuse.

The following is an ill-prepared written statement from PMS:

i missed my injury update - and got so fucking drunk on Saturday night that I didn't bother waking up to double check my lineup

So there you have it. Drinking is bad.

This week's Sad Trombone Award goes to Courtney's Honda Civic Hybrid, which lost an unfortunate fight with an Acura.

It looks like it's frowning, doesn't it?

It led a long, happy and eco-friendly life. We will now take a moment of silence and remember all the moments of silence the hybrid gave us when the engine shut off at stoplights to save gas and our planet.

[...]

Thank you.

This week's You Got Lucky Award goes to Cant Be That Hard, who had the lowest winning point total (83.28) in Week 4.

Now it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!


This week's Thursday night game is between ... wait, is that right? No way that's the nationally televised game. Really? Wow ...

This week's Thursday night game is between the Buffalo Bills and Cleveland Browns. If you're starting players on either of those teams, figure out what you want to do before Thursday. Set the rest of the lineup by Sunday.

Teams on a bye week this week: Vikings, Steelers, Buccaneers and Redskins.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

[League Update] Week 3: The one with all the numbers

Academic Probation, The Reservoir Dogs and PerpetualMotionSquad: we need to talk. Are you sitting down? Good.

You're 0-3. I'm sure you know that. But I need to give you some bad news.

No team that has started 0-3 has made the playoffs (championship or consolation) in the two years of the league. (That's also true of teams starting 0-2.)

There are a couple of bright spots: PerpetualMotionSquad started 0-5 in 2012 and nearly made the consolation playoffs, finishing 6-8. In 2011, Blaupunkt was one of two teams (with Big Kahuna Burger) to start the season 0-4 but came back to win the league in 2012.

Chicks Dig Scars and iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba (the 3-0 teams): the news isn't much better for you.

The team with the best starts in each of the league's two seasons has failed to win the championship. Chicks Dig Scars started the 2011 season 7-0 but finished 9-5 and lost both games in the championship playoffs to finish fourth. And we all remember when Correctamundo, which started 12-0, lost in the championship to Blaupunkt last year.

Some other numbers:

  • 2011 champion Taking it to the next level started the season 1-2 but finished 10-4. 2012 champion Blaupunkt started 2-1 and finished 9-5. 
  • The worst record to make the championship playoffs (top four teams) both years was 8-6. 
  • Two 6-8 teams (The Dream Crushers and Academic Probation) made the consolation playoffs in 2011. 
  • Last year, all four teams in the consolation playoffs were 7-7 coming into the playoffs. 
  • Five teams have started 0-2 or worse over the last two seasons: 
    • 2011 Blaupunkt 0-4 (4-10)
    • 2011 Big Kahuna Burger 0-4 (4-10)
    • 2012 Dolphins of Old 0-2 (4-10)
    • 2012 Academic Probation 0-2 (6-8)
    • 2012 PerpetualMotionSquad 0-5 (6-8)


Fair warning: NSFW

How about the numbers iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba has been putting up? He's making me wishiwoulhavedoneautodraft. Tuba scorched the league this week with 127.64 and beat PerpetulMotionSquad easily. 

Look at PMS' (heh heh) icon, with that green bird looking thing. He's an Eagles fan. So not only did he have to watch his Eagles lose to the Chiefs (!!!) Thursday, but he watched LeSean McCoy (21.8 points) and Michael Vick (15.94) tear him up in fantasy. E-A-G-L-E-S ... awww ... 

This week's Sad Trombone Award goes to Getting over the hump for a listless 53.1 point performance against Correctamundo. And Correctamundo takes the You Got Lucky award for scoring just 73.28 in a winning performance. 

Several games came down to one or two players in the Sunday night and Monday night games. 

I (finally) got my first win because Peyton Manning is awesome and didn't throw to just Wes Welker, who Blaupunkt had in the starting lineup. 
The Reservior Dogs put faith in a kicker ...
... but it didn't work. The Muscular Mathletes got 31.6 points from Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown to win comfortably.

And finally: TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!

Allow me to set the scene. Big Kahuna Burger came into Monday night's game between the Broncos and Raiders needing 8 points from Darren McFadden (Oakland) to tie Can't Be That Hard.

Then this happened.


Yep, that's a passing touchdown for McFadden.

Well, technically she beat you because McFadden scored a junk touchdown with about a minute left. But who's counting?
The Thursday night game this week is the 49ers against the Rams. Decide if you want to start players on those teams by Thursday night's kickoff. Set the rest of your lineup by Sunday's games.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

[League Update] Week 2: "You play to win the game!" - Not Ron Rivera

*Note: In an effort to make this blog more than just my soapbox, send me anything you'd like to see added to the weekly post: a rant, gloating, trash talk, you name it. Send it to me on Twitter, in an email or in a text.

Like the Carolina Panthers, I am 0-2. Unlike Panthers coach Ron Rivera, I'm willing to admit something is wrong. Like the Panthers' coaching staff, no one is safe going into next week.

If this keeps up, I'm going to have to rename this blog "Diary of a sad fantasy football commissioner."



Joining me in the basement: Academic Probation, PerpetualMotionSquad (he's trying this time!) and The Reservoir Dogs.

Like the Chiefs (THE CHIEFS!!), the following teams are 2-0: iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba, Chicks Dig Scars, Getting over the hump and Blaupunkt.

Speaking of iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba: Who knew that getting Michael Vick in the autopick draft was going to be a good thing? Guy has the third highest point total of all QBs after two weeks. And iwishyouwouldhavepickedashortername has the highest cumulative "points for" score so far. Well played, sir.

A large part of that "points for" number came in Week 2, when he scored a league-high 133.22 points. Shout out to Muscular Mathletes for scoring 121.16 points after finishing dead last in Week 1. (Yes, she did make me put that in.)

Week 2's Sad Trombone Award goes to Dolphins of Old, who tumbled from his perch, scoring just 59.44 points in Week 2 after having the highest Week 1 score.

Now it's time for TWEET OF THE WEEK! (Y'all got to give me better options. See the top of this post.)


Because of that, Blaupunkt, I'm awarding you this week's You Got Lucky award for having the lowest "points for" number of the 2-0 teams.


(Did I just use this as an excuse to play some Daft Punk? YUP.)

Blaupunkt didn't have the lowest winning score of Week 2, though. That goes to Something with 82.48 points.

This week's Thursday night game: Kansas City Chiefs at Philadelphia Eagles. If you have players on those teams, decide to play them or sit them by kick on Thursday. Set everything else by kick on Sunday. Or don't, especially if your name is Matt.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

[League Update] Week 1: It is what it is ...

Give me a second. I need this.



It's beautiful, isn't it? Seven touchdowns. Ties a record. I've watched it again and again. It helps me forget that -- despite this amazing performance -- I lost.

Peyton Manning and his 46.28 points weren't enough to beat Dolphins of Old's juggernaut of Andrew Luck (24.92 points), Adrian Peterson (29.1) and Brandon Marshall (16.4). I lost by two daggum points.

I had the second highest point total in the league and still start the season 0-1. It hurts. But that's the way this game is, I guess.

Congrats to Dolphins of Old for racking up a league-high 124.72 points in the first week. Dolphins, Big Kahuna Burger and I all had more than 120 points.

Five other teams had at least 100 points. It was a big week for a lot of players ... except for the ones on the Muscular Mathletes. The Mathletes get this week's Sad Trombone Award for scoring a league-low 57 points. I think any rumors of nepotism have been squashed.

But there's always next week, right? Maybe Manning will have another career game. Or maybe one of my running backs will play worth a damn. You never know.

The games start on Thursday once again with the Patriots taking on the Jets. Make a decision on players for those teams before that game kicks off. Then be sure to set the rest of your lineup before kickoff on Sunday.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey

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