These will be shorter than in years past and I'm not going to take the time to copyedit them so don't yell at me about typos.
I am open to having guest columnists, though. If you want to write the league update one week, let me know. You know how to reach me.
Now to the important stuff.
First, it's time to introduce the newest member of the league: SugaLumps.
He replaces Something, who couldn't bother to buy a TV and do the math to figure out when games come on in Hawaii. He could be back in a future season, though.
A bunch of y'all changed team names, too, which is at once confusing and awesome. The award for my favorite new team name goes to: Watt Me Whip Watt Me JJ. Genius. I laugh every time.
To the football.
The superlatives:
- Highest point total: Me! (119-105 over Dolphins of Old) KEEP DEFLATIN' THOSE BALLS, TOM! Cheaters always win.
- Sad trombone: Muscular Mathletes (62-84 to WMWWMJJ). Deja vu?
- I haven't decided what the third superlative will be yet (suggestions?) so let's watch Josh McCown try to morph into a helicopter.
Jesus.
Other results:
- Cant Be That Hard 88 - Taking it one game at a time 74. Greg Olsen only got 1.1 points? No wonder the Panthers' offense looked horrendous.
- Blaupunkt 89 - PMS 66. You know you're in trouble when the best player on your team is Jay Cutler.
- Free Crab Legs 107, The Reservoir Dogs 70. Free Crab Legs should be contractually obligated to start Jameis Winston every game. The Titans beat the Bucs like a drum. The TITANS, people!
- Off Constantly 108, Big Kahuna Burger 69. What if we all threw our game against Off Constantly so that he wouldn't be able to make the joke? Yeah, he'd go undefeated, but it would almost be worth it. Right?
And now it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!
@RoyaleWCheeseFB Julio Jones!!! #blaupunkt
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) September 15, 2015
Oops, I have Roddy White @RoyaleWCheeseFB #mybad
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) September 15, 2015
Classic stuff. He got excited by a touchdown and then realized that the player wasn't even on his team. Blaupunkt still won his game, though. Which means ...
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) September 16, 2015
Your Thursday Night Football looks like this: Broncos vs. Chiefs. Get those players set before kickoff. Then get the rest of the lineup set before Sunday.I told you these things were going to be shorter.
