Wednesday, November 27, 2013

[League Update] Week 12: When we stop being polite and start getting real

Holy crap, y'all. Was it this crazy last season? I honestly can't remember.

With just two weeks left in the regular season, no one is guaranteed a playoff spot. Five teams are tied for second place with 7-5 records: unc93louisville84, Correctamundo, Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet and Getting over the hump.

Three more -- Academic Probation, The Reservoir Dogs and Dolphins of Old -- are 6-6.

I have no idea who will make the playoffs. The Mathletes, who have been the dominant team over the second half of the season, still haven't clinched a championship playoff spot, according to my simple math. And, obviously, only three or four of those 7-5 teams could make the championship playoffs. That doesn't take into account the 6-6 teams who could finish 8-6 and be right in the mix.

Several top teams took tough losses this week. The Mathletes could have clinched a playoff spot, but lost to Getting over the hump 111-87. Correctamundo and the Mullets could have moved into a tie for second place, but Correctamundo lost 105-82 to uncisthegreatest and the Mullets lost to PerpetualMotionSquad 73-53 (more on that later).

As an aside, I should have known better than to make fun of Squad the week I played it. I was just asking for a beating. Sunday night was miserable, for both me and the missus. Manning was sub-par and one of the two touchdown passes he had went to Demarius Thomas, who Squad started. Stevan Ridley fumbled in the first quarter, never to be seen again. That meant more touches for Shane Vereen, also on Squad. And Manning's mediocrity hurt the Mathletes, too, since Knowshon Moreno (Getting over the hump) got a crap-ton of carries.


With the standings so tight, every game is big in Week 13. But two jump out to me. Cant Be That Hard and Jeff Fisher's Mullet play and both are 7-5 teams. This could go a long way in determining the playoffs. And Correctamundo, another 7-5 team, plays the Mathletes (9-3). A win by Correctamundo would keep it in second place and just one game behind the Mathletes going into the final week.

I think we're all going to be obsessing over our lineups a little more this week.

Now for the awards.

Getting over the hump is the highest point scorer for Week 12 with 111, barely beating out Academic Probation with 110.

I am the saddest trombone after a pathetic 53 point performance in Week 12.



I thought Blaupunkt was going to take the bullet again, but he got 21 points from Anquan Boldin on Monday night to get all the way to 59 points.

Not hard enough ... 

This week's You Got Lucky Award goes to my opponent, PerpetualMotionSquad, for having the lowest winning score at 73. Enjoy the small victories, buddy.



Now it's time for TWEET OF THE WEEK! Chosen because it perfectly captures how I felt Sunday night.


Honorable mention, for creative hashtagging:


This week is, obviously, Thanksgiving, which means three (THREE!) games on Thanksgiving Day. They are:

  • Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions, 12:30 p.m.
  • Oakland Raiders vs. Dallas Cowboys, 4:30 p.m.
  • Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens, 8:30 p.m.
Make sure to decide what you want to do with players on those teams by noon Thursday. 

No teams are on a bye week this week or the rest of the season (thank goodness). So you should have your full lineup for the rest of our regular season and both playoff games. No excuses. 

Good luck this week and I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs and no wind so Peyton can throw the dadgum ball, 

Corey
Posted by at No comments:

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

[League Update] Week 11: Steven doesn't read this so ...

PerpetualMotionSquad's owner, Steven, told me earlier this week he doesn't read this blog, so it shouldn't bother him if I spend the first part of this update trashing him.

PMS had a really strong week this week, scoring more than 100 points. It still lost, though. Why? Well, partly because its opponent had a monster week (we'll get to that later) but also because the owner didn't have an active kicker in his lineup.

He tried to force through a trade with Andy through after games had already started, but even I don't have the power to make that happen. (Shut up, Mark.) The two then tried another trade, but that (shocker) didn't work either.

Why didn't he set his lineup?

Via text:

"Shit - hungover and I haven't set my lineup. And stranded." 

Sound familiar?

More, via Facebook chat:

did it ever occur to you that I drink to take away the pain of being in last place? 
it was this time last year that I was on the tail end of a killer winning streak 
Watching the league this weekend re-invigorated my passion 
i'm just sad that it's all going to be over soon

We may have to rethink how the draft works. I don't know if this should be rewarded with the No. 1 pick.

Like Tom Brady's pass to Gronkowski last night as time expired, the Muscular Mathletes are uncatchable. Or nearly so.



The Mathletes maintained a two-game lead over the rest of the league with a 107-93 win over Cant Be That Hard in Week 11. Based on my math (and confirmed by the chief Mathlete), the Mathletes can clinch a championship playoff spot with a win this week over Getting over the hump.



By my quick count, it seems like the only person eliminated from the championship playoffs is PMS (2-9). It's harder for the 4-7 teams, Something and Big Kahuna Burger, but there's definitely a shot to make it into one of the playoff brackets.



Remember, there are only three weeks left in the season.

Tied for second behind the Mathletes are Jeff Fisher's Mullet (woohoo!) and Correctamundo. I had a comfortable win for the first time in a while (thanks, Something!) and Correctamundo won its second straight game.

In a four-way tie for fourth at 6-5 we have: iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba (I will not acknowledge your new name, troll), The Reservoir Dogs, Can't Be That Hard and Getting over the hump.

Four more teams are tied for eighth at 5-6: Academic Probation, Dolphins of Old, Chicks Dig Scars and Blaupunkt. Chicks Dig Scars has lost six of its last seven games since it last had the Twitter avatar.


Now it's time for this week's awards.

The Reservoir Dogs had the highest point total in Week 11 in a 131-107 win over PerpetualMotionSquad.

Big Kahuna Burger couldn't quite avoid the Sad Trombone Award this week. She scored a league low 49 points in a loss to Blaupunkt, last week's winner of the inaugural Sad Orchestra Award.

And some You Got Lucky action goes to Blaupunkt for scoring the lowest winning point total (85) in that game against BKB. (Please watch this video.)



Now it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK: The Eff Tom Brady Edition



This week's Thursday night game is between the Saints and the Falcons. You know what to do. Set the rest of your lineup by Sunday.

Teams with byes in Week 12: Bills, Bengals, Eagles and Seahawks.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey

P.S. I love Steve Smith. "Ice up, son!"
Posted by at No comments:

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

[League Update] Week 10: It's a cruel, cruel game

Fantasy football is a cruel game sometimes.

PerpetualMotionSquad dropped Nick Foles Oct. 30 when he got injured. Since then he's had weeks of 45 and 22 points.

The Muscular Mathletes kept Tavon Austin on the bench since he had scored less than a point in each of the previous two weeks. He scored 26 Sunday.

And even when The Reservoir Dogs lost their running back to injury early in the Monday night game, Jeff Fisher's Mullets couldn't get .9 points out of Vincent Jackson to win the game. (Didn't catch a dadgum pass in the second half!) The Mullets lost by less than a point.


Then there's Blaupunkt. Blaupunkt set a full lineup with active players and scored -- wait for it -- 29 points. The highest point scorer on his team was the Seahawks defense with 8 points. That's the lowest point total in league history, beating out a 35 by PMS last year.

For that exercise in epic futility, Blaupunkt is Week 10's clear winner of the Sad Trombone Award. Forget Sad Trombone. Blaupunkt needs a whole Sad Orchestra. Blaupunkt needs to sit in a corner with a dunce cap on while a whole Sad Orchestra circles around and mocks him.


Big Kahuna Burger is just happy Blaupunkt was more pathetic this week. BKB scored 42 points.

Fantasy Football is a frustrating and unpredictable game. That's what makes it fun (and what makes the projected points all but useless).
After 10 weeks of play, there are the haves -- Muscular Mathletes -- the have nots -- PMS -- and everyone else.

The Mathletes extended their lead on the league back to two games with a 20-point win over Something and a Mullet loss. PMS finally won a second game, but is still two games behind the 13th place team. PMS' owner told me his goal was to win out and go 6-8. That's how he finished last year, just missing the playoffs.
Everyone give yourselves a pat on the back. You deserve it.

The trash talking on Twitter has been incredible since my little temper tantrum a couple weeks ago. The Reservoir Dogs started it with me early in the week (and backed it up). Tweets were flying left and right all weekend, so much so that I missed some and didn't see them until I was looking back over the @RoyaleWithCheese mentions for this post.

There are so many good ones I couldn't decide on TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK, so here's a good sampling:



Thank you all! It makes it so much more fun. Keep it up the rest of the season!

On a related note, all 14 league members are now on Twitter. I have created a Twitter list with everyone in it. Now you can direct your trash talk to exactly who deserves it.
Correctamundo led the league with 102 points this week. He and Dolphins of Old were the only teams to break 100 this week.

And the Week 10 You Got Lucky Award goes to Cant Be That Hard for winning with just 61 points. (For those wondering why iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba benched his entire team, click here. We've talked. It's cool. Moving on.)


Cant Be That Hard is on a three-game win streak and has moved into a tie for second place in the league. Trust me, you guys, Cant Be That Hard winning is bad for everyone. We'll never hear the end of it.

It is more important than ever to set your lineup this week. The difference between second place and 13th place is two games. Every game is important to playoff seeding. There are only four more games left in the regular season and only four teams make the championship playoffs. Four more make the consolation bracket. The tie-breaker is "Points For."

This week's Thursday night game is between the Colts and Titans. Decide what you want to do with players on those teams before Thursday night. Set the rest of your lineup by Sunday.

Teams with a bye in Week 11: Cowboys and Rams.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs,

Corey
Posted by at No comments:

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

[League Update] Week 9: 'The Victory'

"The Victory" 
A one-act play

[Corey and Courtney sit on the couch. Corey looks defeated, his fantasy team down 10 points to his wife and both have a wide receiver left. Corey's receiver, Andre Johnson, had only scored more than 10 points twice all season.

 With a sigh, he picks up his phone and sends out a tweet.]


[Cut to 20 minutes later. The game between the Houston Texans and Indianapolis Colts has begun. Corey is in a back room when he hears the TV announcer say something about Andre Johnson. He comes into the living room just in time to see a replay of the receiver's first touchdown catch.]

COREY: Wooooooo!! [Does a little jig in the hallway.]

[Cut to a few minutes later. Corey is sitting on the couch again with Courtney. He looks a little less defeated. There is hope in his eyes now that he has a two point lead, but it's still too close for comfort.

 Andre Johnson catches another touchdown pass.]

COREY: Holy crap! Did you see that?!? [Corey throws up a triumphant fist pump. He's taken a solid lead over Courtney. Maybe hope is not lost.]

[A few minutes later, Andre Johnson catches his third touchdown pass of the first half. Corey starts dancing on the couch and giggling maniacally. He knows he has won. He can't keep it in.]

COREY: hehehehehehe woooo!

[Courtney barely lifts her eyes from her computer screen to send an icy glare to Corey.]

COURTNEY: Stop it.

[The end.]

That's pretty much how it went. Courtney was a gracious loser. I did not sleep on the couch. I'll admit, the Muscular Mathletes should have beaten Jeff Fisher's Mullet. That win was blind luck. But I'd rather be lucky than good any day. Especially in fantasy football.

Andre Johnson had 40.9 points. That's just absurd. All but 39 of his yards came in the first half.

Courtney had a receiver in the Monday night game, Alshon Jeffrey. He had a solid game with 12 points, but it wasn't enough. The Mullets won 122-103. Courtney should just be glad that we didn't have a bet like this on the matchup. (You're going to want to click that link.)

I'm going to take this time to address the controversy (?) involving the trade between the Mullets and Correctamundo. First, let me say that Correctamundo proposed the trade. He thought it was fair, and I agreed. Second, I did change the pending period to make sure the trade processed by Sunday to help both of us. I wasn't trying to sneak it past anyone, which is why I sent the email. I gave everyone the option to vote it down if they felt like it was a shady move. Obviously that didn't happen. I wasn't trying to pull anything over on you. If you were trying to do a last minute trade and needed a similar change, I would have done it. And finally, the trade ended up being pointless. Phillip Rivers, who I traded for and started, actually got five points less than Jason Campbell, who I picked up and left on my bench. Serves me right, I guess.

Anyway, the Mullets' win and losses by Correctamundo, Getting over the hump and Chicks Dig Scars put the Mullets alone in second place with the Mathletes still in first place by a game. Like I've said the past few weeks, the standings are really close. Everyone -- except for PerpetualMotionSquad -- still has a chance to make the playoffs with five weeks left in the regular season.

Speaking of PMS, it's time for TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!

I usually wait until later in the blog post, but these gems deserve higher play. Big Kahuna Burger was on a roll with the PMS jokes this week, and she backed them up with an 83-68 win.



PMS is now 1-8 in the league. If I start to suspect that you're tanking for a draft pick ... well really I'll just feel bad for you if that's what it's come to.

It looks like last week's blog post was effective. The trash talk was better and all but one team (PMS, but he was out of the country) had a full lineup this week. Nicely done! Now don't make me get cranky again.

Even with Andre Johnson's huge game, the Mullets were not the highest point scorer of the week. That honor goes to iwishiwouldhaveplayedtuba, who scored 124 points in a 19 point win over Something.

The You Got Lucky Award this week goes to Big Kahuna Burger, who had the lowest winning point total, 83. Anyone who plays PMS gets lucky, amiright?? (Don't think too hard about that one ...)

And a huge Sad Trombone goes to Chicks Dig Scars, who scored a league-low 56 points in a loss to Cant Be That Hard. Remember when Chicks had the Twitter avatar? Now they've lost three straight games. Womp womp, indeed.

I worry that this blog is getting too Mullets-centric, but that's because I don't have enough time on Tuesday nights to go through every single game and find all the interesting facts. So I trust you to send me interesting/funny/ridiculous stuff that happens over the weekend. I will include it. Tweet, email, text, whatever. Just hit me up.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Redskins and Vikings. Decide what you want to do with players on those teams by Thursday night. Figure out the rest of your lineup by kickoff on Sunday.

Teams with byes in Week 10: Browns, Chiefs, Patriots and Jets. (Peyton's back!)

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs (even you, Mathletes!),

Corey
Posted by at 2 comments:
Subscribe to: Comments (Atom)