[League Update] Week 4: The joke!

I couldn't figure out a better way to open this week's update (other than rant about football like last week), so let's just crank this thing up with our TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK:

Morgan Beggs ‏@MorganBeggs Protected Tweets  Sep 29

@RoyaleWCheeseFB Thanks to a rousing performance by DeMarco Murray, and several bottles of Viagra, Can't Be That Hard has risen to the 1/2

Morgan Beggs ‏@MorganBeggs Protected Tweets  Sep 29

@RoyaleWCheeseFB occasion and become the first team to beat Off Constantly #FantasyFootball 2/2

Finally! Finally we get to use the joke. It took four weeks, but it happened. Off Constantly's Twitter-less owner also chimed in via email:

How funny that the one team with a name that cant beat off constantly is the one to do it for the first time.

It wasn't even close. Cant Be That Hard led all the way in a 109-67 victory, moving him the team into a tie for first place.

How is there a tie for first place, you ask? Because PerpetualMotionSquad finally snapped back to reality and lost its first game of the season 85-78. The fact that PMS lost to a winless team -- the Muscular Mathletes, which started an inactive player and got negative points from the defense -- makes it even better.

The Mathletes' owner would like to personally thank Aaron Rodgers (28.88) for finally showing up. PMS' two quarterbacks -- Nick Foles and Tom Brady -- combined to score less than 10 points. Ouch.

There are now five teams tied at the top of the league table with 3-1 records: PMS, CBTH, Turn Down for Watt (which has been very quiet so far this year), Big Poppa and Big Kahuna Burger.

Academic Probation is the only team still winless. It's going to get better. You just have to believe.

This week's highest point scorer was TD4W, which dominated Blaupunkt 121-82.


I love the internet.

Go big or go home went big this week and will walk away with two awards. First, he's the Sad Trombone of the week after scoring a league-low 63 points in a loss to Big Kahuna Burger, which had 86.


It could have been different though.

Get excited about Jamaal Charles, quickly realize that he's sitting on my bench. Wait, what? @RoyaleWCheeseFB
— Sergio Tovar (@sergiotovar) September 30, 2014

Go big had Jamaal Charles on its bench. Jamaal Charles scored 28.8 points. Go big's starting running back scored 2.3. You do the math.

That lineup decision earns Go big the "Shake it Off" Award this week.



Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, man.

Speaking of poor decisions, your faithful commissioner dropped Larry Donnell from Jeff Fisher's Mullet and added the Washington defense to replace the Seahawks on a bye week. How did that work out? Donnell scored three touchdowns and had 23 points against the Washington defense, which finished with -1.

You're welcome, Big Poppa.

Other scores from around the league:

• Rob Gronkowski scored 9 points Monday night to help Dolphins of Old edge Academic Probation 78-75. Dolphins also had the Patriots D, which scored -2 points.
• Something -- which started a kicker on his bye week -- beat The Reservoir Dogs -- which started the Panthers colander of a defense -- 77-70.

The Thursday night game this week is between the Vikings and the Packers. Only two teams are on a bye week in Week 5, thank goodness: the Dolphins and Raiders. 

Wishing for better defense and less injury-prone running backs, 

Corey