[League Update] Week 13: Playoff scenarios

There is one more week left in the Royale with Cheese regular season. This is me trying to break down the playoff scenarios.

A little something to set the mood (h/t Muscular Mathletes):



Championship playoffs

The following teams have a chance to make the Championship bracket: Turn Down for Watt, Dolphins of Old, Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet, Big Poppa, Big Kahuna Burger and The Reservoir Dogs.

--The only team in the league that has a guaranteed championship playoff spot is Turn Down for Watt (10-3). If Turn Down for Watt wins, it is our regular season champion. If it loses and Dolphins of Old wins, it comes down to the Points For tiebreaker.

--Dolphins of Old (9-4) makes the championship playoffs if:

• It wins. 
• It loses, but so does Cant Be That Hard OR Big Poppa. 
• It loses, Cant Be That Hard AND Big Poppa win, but it has a better Points For score than Big Poppa, CBTH, OR Jeff Fisher's Mullet.

--Cant Be That Hard (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 

• It wins AND the Mullets OR Big Poppa lose. 
• It wins, the Mullets AND Big Poppa win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
•  It loses, Mullets OR Big Poppa lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, AND Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.

--Big Poppa (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 

• It wins AND the Mullets OR CBTH lose. 
• It wins, the Mullets AND CBTH win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
• It loses, Mullets OR CBTH lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.

--Jeff Fisher's Mullet (8-5) makes the championship playoffs if: 

• It wins AND Big Poppa OR CBTH lose. 
• It wins, Big Poppa AND CBTH win, but it has a better Points For score than BP, JFM OR DoO.
• It loses, Mullets OR CBTH lose and the losing team(s) has a lower Points For, AND Big Kahuna Burger AND Reservoir Dogs lose OR win and have lower Points For.

--Big Kahuna Burger (7-6) makes the championship playoffs if: 

• It wins, Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa lose and it has a higher Points For than two of those teams, AND Reservoir Dogs loses or has a lower Points For.
• It wins, Reservoir Dogs loses or has a lower Points For, AND two of the following teams lose AND have a lower Points For: Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa.

--The Reservoir Dogs (7-6) make the championship playoffs if: 

• It wins, Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa lose and it has a higher Points For than two of those teams, AND BKB loses or has a lower Points For.
• It wins, AND BKB loses or has a lower Points For, AND two of the following teams lose AND have a lower Points For: Mullets, CBTH and Big Poppa.

That was entirely too much work for the amount of people who read this blog, so I'm not about to do it for the consolation playoffs.

I'll leave it at this, the following teams have a chance of making the consolation bracket: Cant Be That Hard, Jeff Fisher's Mullet, Big Poppa, Big Kahuna Burger, The Reservoir Dogs, Academic Probation, Off Constantly and Go Big or Go Home.

The winner of the Academic Probation and Off Constantly game automatically makes the consolation bracket. If they tie ... just ... they can't tie again.

If Go big or go home wins and Big Kahuna Burger OR The Reservoir Dogs lose, the Points For winner gets in the consolation bracket.

If any of this is wrong, tell me in the comments. But I probably won't change it in the post, because that sounds like work and I've had enough Four Roses to not care.

To the week that was!

Turn Down For Watt and Dolphins of Old are the hottest teams heading into the playoffs. They've both won three straight weeks and dominated in Week 13. Dolphins was our highest point scorer of the week, beating PerpetualMotionSquad 153-91.

TD4W beat Off Constantly 97-62, bringing me to the TWEET OF THE WEEK!

@RoyaleWCheeseFB I'm watching football and beating Off Constantly while waiting for the turkey to finish up on the grill. #turkeydayofchamps
— Evelyn Ann Greene (@eagreene) November 27, 2014

Let's be real, that's got to be TWEET OF THE YEAR. I don't see anyone topping that this week. You're welcome to try, though.

Fitzpatrick with 39pts.. Too bad he is on the bench. I'm going for an award sweep of Jameis W and Sad trombone this week @RoyaleWCheeseFB
— Benjamin Keely (@blkeely) November 30, 2014

Close, Off Constantly. You definitely get one of these

for starting Drew Stanton over Ryan Fitzpatrick. It wouldn't have won the game, but was a 27 point mistake.

A close second was Big Poppa, which started the 49ers defense (5) over the Vikings (22). Pro tip: If you have the defense that is playing the Panthers, start it. Never forget:



Big Poppa was upset by the Muscular Mathletes 83-68. The Mathletes are in a three-way tie for not last with PMS and Blaupunkt.

Speaking of Blaupunkt ...

@RoyaleWCheeseFB not starting romo today #gotcalledout #blamethemedia
— Matthew Parunak (@Mattpar14) November 27, 2014

Don't you put that evil on me! Blaupunkt wins this week's Sad Trombone Award after scoring 48 points in a loss to The Reservoir Dogs.


Romo and Manning combined to score barely more than 16 points. Six of Blaupunkt's starters scored less than 5 points.

Academic Probation held on to beat Big Kahuna Burger 96-88 thanks to a 31-point performance from Le'Veon Bell that only included one touchdown.

The week's closest game was Go big or go home's 75-74 win over Something, which has lost three straight despite setting real lineups the past two weeks. Something is alone in last place at 3-10. He may get the first pick again, but don't worry, you saw him work the draft software before this season.

And, finally, the week's biggest matchup! Jeff Fisher's Mullet beat Cant Be That Hard 128-111 in a super-high-scoring game. And it could have been higher had CBTH set its ideal lineup. Hopkins had 35 and Stills had 22 on the bench.

Jeff Fisher's Mullet ‏@fearthemullets   Nov 30

A high-scoring one between me and @MorganBeggs this week. Come on, Mullets! @RoyaleWCheeseFB

Morgan Beggs ‏@MorganBeggs   Nov 30

@RoyaleWCheeseFB Game over man! Game over! Should have started Hopkins and Stills.

Royale with Cheese ‏@RoyaleWCheeseFB   Nov 30

@MorganBeggs so many high scorers in that one.

Morgan Beggs ‏@MorganBeggs   Dec 2

@RoyaleWCheeseFB Yeah. On my BENCH!

That is a scary high-scoring team. Watch out if CBTH makes the championship bracket.

And with that, it's time to set up the final week of the RWC regular season.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Cowboys and Bears. No teams are on a bye (thank goodness). Best of luck with the lineups this week!

And as a reward for making it to the bottom of this ridiculously long post, witness the amazingness that is J.J. Watt:



Go get some popcorn. Some Sno-Caps, perhaps.

Corey