It all comes down to this. It ain't over 'til it's over. The final countdown. That's right, this is the last week of the regular season and this week will decide who makes the real playoffs, who makes the playoffs, and which two sad sack teams don't make any playoffs.
I'm going to do my best to break down some scenarios, but I'm not going to spend a lot of time doing math so if I mess something up I apologize.
First, let's take a look at the real playoffs. Here's how the playoffs would look if the season ended right now:
By my quick calculations, Big Kahuna Burger (9-3), Get Off My Dak (9-3) and Watt A Girl Wants (8-4) have guaranteed themselves a spot in the playoffs. Well done, y'all. And BKB has held on to the Twitter Avatar for the whole season. Impressive. The top two teams get byes in the first round, so BKB and GOMD are really hoping for wins.
Cant Be That Hard (7-5) is also in, I'm pretty sure, win or lose (which is unfortunate because it would be really fun for me to beat him and keep him out of the playoffs). That's because two of the three teams at 6-6 play each other, so there will only be two a maximum of two other 7-6 teams if CBTH loses, meaning that would finish out the six-team championship bracket.
Here's the key matchup of that group: Theon's Deflated Balls (6-6) and There's no 'I' in team (6-6) play each other this week, and the winner of that game is in the playoffs.
Now here's where it gets messy. Academic Probation also sits at 6-6 and plays Watt A Girl Wants this week. A win puts AP in. A loss and, well, who the hell knows? There are 5 teams tied at 5-7 right below the top group -- Off Constantly, SugaLumps, Dolphins of Old, PerpetualMotion Squad and Muscular Mathletes.
Dolphins and PMS play each other this week, so the loser of that game is out. But if Academic Probation loses, there's a chance that four teams could win and there would be six teams (AP, four 5-7 winners and the loser of Theon and Sports Cliche) at 6-7 vying for the final playoff spot. Remember: The tiebreaker is Points For. Right now, Theon's Deflated Balls and Academic Probation are virtually tied at that stat with 1,091.
I'm so glad there's a damn computer figuring this out.
Now for the fake playoffs. Here's how it would look if they started today:
Basically, the top of this playoff will be decided by the losers in the scenario I set up above. So let's take a look at the bottom, to see who will be the last teams in.
The key matchup to watch here is Muscular Mathletes (5-7) vs. Blaupunkt (4-8). If Muscular Mathletes wins, she's in. Now, technically she could be in that tied 6-7 group, but her Points For is -- wait for it -- WORSE THAN THE MULLETS (856 vs. 883). So, in short, she's not making the championship playoffs without a miracle, the likes of which has never been seen. If Blaupunkt wins, he and the Mathletes will be tied and Blaupunkt has an impressive points for number (1,031) for being tied for last place.
And to wrap it all up: There's no way the Mullets make any playoffs this season. It is as it was always meant to be. Now all that matters for me is whether I'm the first pick or the second pick in next year's draft. The only way I'm not the first pick is if I win and the Mathletes lose, and I still hold the Points For tiebreaker, or if Blaupunkt loses and I win.
I probably got something wrong. Set me straight in the comments.
Awards
The highest point scorer from Week 12 was Watt A Girl Wants, who beat first-place Big Kahuna Burger 112-100.
The Week 12 Sad Trombone Award goes to Muscular Mathletes (again) for a respectable 68 points in a loss to Dolphins of Old (92). No one totally laid an egg last week. Way to go!
The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to your truly, the Mullets, for a multitude of mistakes in a 83-75 loss to PMS. Should have started Asiata (10) over Rawls (3.8) and Ted Ginn (18) over either of my starting WRs -- Nelson (9) and Crowder (8).
The Grumble Grumble Award goes to Blaupunkt, for the reasons I mentioned above. He's 4-8, tied for last place with me, but has a Points For of 1,031, good for eighth best in the league. But his Points Against him (1,231) is the most in the league, more than 100 more than the next closest team. In short: Blaupunkt has had the worst luck with matchups, leading to seven straight losses in the league. He doesn't deserve to be at the bottom of the league. But I do.
And the Most Ridiculous Headline Written By an NFL.com Computer:
0 points for creativity.
Other results from Week 12:
- Cant Be That Hard 108, Theon's Deflated Balls 78.
- Off Constantly 98, There's no 'I' in team 85
- Academic Probation 105, Blaupunkt 73
- SugaLumps 98, Get Off My Dak 71
The Book of Faces
This point that Cant Be That Hard brought up on the FB was also brought up by SugaLumps last night:
Kind of interesting to see the difference between the two households in the league. On one hand, you have the Williams, who are crushing it. On the other, you have the Inscoes, who are, well, not.
It is weird how similar the the two couples are in the standings. I just wish the Inscoes were on the other side of it.
Haiku for me, Haiku for you
From Eve:
Playoffs are next week.
Six will move forward while eight
Lament their draft picks.
Good luck everyone!
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