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| Marianne O'Leary/Flickr |
For all the griping I'm hearing about how hard this league is with 16 teams, y'all are handling it pretty well. There's a four-way tie for first place at 4-1, nearly half of the league is above .500 (INCLUDING ME!) and all but two teams are within two games of first place.
Five weeks in, basically everyone has a chance to win the league this year. Except Something witty. Something witty does not have a chance to win the league this year. He's 0-5. He could come back, I guess, but his track record (see the first blog post of this season) suggests he's not going to recover from this. I could go on, but I'll save that for another time. Don't want to use all my Grade A #content in one post.
Blaupunkt gave SugaLumps his first loss of the season, winning 96-76. I would blame NFL bye weeks for SugaLumps' low point total (he only had less than 100 points one week leading into Week 5, and even that was a 97) but ... nah ... that wasn't it. Only one of his players on bye played the week before. His team just decided not to show up.
Which leaves us with a real tight race for first place and the ever-important Twitter avatar. And this is despite the fact that virtually every good player has broken himself this season.
Fun fact: None of the four teams tied for first (SugaLumps, KB's Belly Shirts, Muscular Mathletes and Academic Probation) have won the league before. Will we have a seventh different champion this season? Stay tuned. (That's called a tease. Keeps people coming back. Quality #content.)
Alright, let's get to 'em.
Awards
The highest scorer from Week 5 was Get Off My Dak with 116 in a huge win over Something wit—you know what, no. I said I was gonna hold off on the Something witty stuff but I can't. Let's go ahead and get it out of the way.
The saddest of sad trombones went to Something witty with 34 points. Thirty. Four. What a waste of a good week for Get Off My Dak. How could Something's total be so low? Because three of his players scored 0 points. Because they were hurt and not playing. This is how you become 0-5. (I know, that hurts coming from me. You don't have to remind me of last year.)
When asked about this, Andy responded with this gem on the Facebook:
Bruh. BRUH. C'mon son.
The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to WattCanISayExceptYou'reWelcome. Now usually this award is given for a decision that would have changed the outcome of the game. This one didn't. But it's a decision still worth ridiculing because who in their right mind would start Eli Manning over Cam Newton? Relieved of the burden of his Dannon endorsement, Cam Newton and his dumb, sexist comments scored 38 points (355 yards and 3 TDs) while milquetoast Manning scored 13. Sure, the mighty and powerful Mullets would have won anyway because they're awesome, but we should all have learned by now not to play the inferior Manning.
No Grumble Grumble Award this week due to the surprising lack of close games and general non-grumbliness of the Facebook page.
This week
On bye: Bills, Bengals, Cowboys and Seahawks. All games are stateside, so kickoff is 1 p.m. Eastern, 7 a.m. Hawaiian.
Eleanor's pick of the week
(Wrong last week, so she fell to 3-2 for the season.)
aguuu aguuu aguu *bubbles foaming out of mouth* waaaaaaAAHHHaaaaaAHHH ooooo fioeionagiooianlf splurt gurgle *confused face while pooping* guuuaahhhhhhh ...
(KB's Belly Shirts 77, Bueller 65 #GetInMyBellyShirt. Hashtag credit goes to Bryan.)
The Book of Faces
"Y’all know Mullett is taking a new job as a Male Pole Dancer, right? tbh, I think I’d be more interested in future updates from that occupation over Commissioner of Royale...." -Academic Probation
Darin, you got me. It's true. I start at The Bone Yard next week.
Haiku for me, Haiku for you
Forgot to play Cam
But alas, even his points
Would not have saved me.
-Eve
True.
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