Thursday, November 13, 2014

[League Update] Week 10: The Panthers are a dumpster fire

Fantasy football is the only thing helping me get through this football season.

I watched Monday night's Panthers vs. Eagles game with Cant Be That Hard's owner. The Panthers turned the ball over twice in the first three plays. Later, Cam Newton threw a hitch pass so bad that the Eagles cornerback honestly looked surprised to have the ball hit him in the stomach, but not so surprised that he couldn't return it for a touchdown.

The game was laughably bad. Something good did come from it, though: Wins for Cant Be That Hard and Jeff Fisher's Mullet.

Cant Be That Hard entered Monday night down a few points to Academic Probation. CBTH had the Eagles defense and tight end Zach Ertz. He had 1.70 points. The Eagles defense racked up 31 with 3 interceptions, two fumbles, a couple touchdowns and nine sacks. Nine.



 19 minutes ago
For this week's update, please note that the Eagles' D, this year's Mr. Irrelevant, won my game AND is the #1 D by far
The Mullets came into Monday night down one point to The Reservoir Dogs. Mullets had Mark Sanchez filling in for a bye-week Andrew Luck. The Dogs had Cam and the Panthers defense.
Cam scored 12 points, most of that coming on junk touchdowns late in the fourth quarter. Why he was still in the game at that point is beyond me. The Panthers defense had -3. Sanchez scored 21. The Mullets won by 12.

Something good from something bad.

I may be biased, but the result between the Muscular Mathletes and Something may be the most ridiculous one of the season. For the third straight week, Something started at least one player on bye, despite having that brought to his attention earlier in the week.

The computers at work block the website, he said. He worked a lot this week, he said. The app wouldn't let him pick up a quarterback, he said. Even if that last part were true, it doesn't explain the empty R/W/T spot (there was an active running back and wide receiver on the bench).

But because Marshawn Lynch -- a player that Something had to be told to start earlier in the season -- had a career game with 140 yards and 4 touchdowns, Something won 63-61. Lynch scored 40 of those points.

Something can't be bothered to set a full lineup each week, but because he has one of the best players in the league, he wins. It just feels wrong.


Having said all that, one roster change would have helped the Mathletes. That's why they are getting the Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions this week.



The Mathletes will argue that I deserve at least partial credit for this award. See, the owner asked me earlier in the week if she should start Ben Roethlisberger or Aaron Rodgers. Big Ben had scored 44 and 35 points in the previous two weeks. Rodgers had hovered right around 25 for three weeks. So my suggestion -- suggestion! -- was to stick with the hot hand. Well, I was wrong.

Roethlisberger looked pretty pathetic against the Jets and scored 13 points. Rodgers looked like he was playing Madden on rookie difficulty and threw six touchdowns in the first half, finishing with 36 points. I don't think the Mathletes will be taking my advice anymore.

Cant Be That Hard's win and losses by Big Poppa -- 115-108 to Blaupunkt, this week's top point scorer (no Sad Trombone for you!) -- and Turn Down For Watt puts those three teams into a tie for first place at 7-3.
Turn Down For Watt just edges The Reservoir Dogs for this week's Sad Trombone Award. TD4W scored 53 to Go big or go home's 110.



Blaupunkt came into Sunday night down by a solid margin, but Jordy Nelson scored 27 points to put it ahead. That led to our TWEET(s) OF THE WEEK!





The Mullets moved into a three-way tie for fourth place -- the final championship playoff spot -- with a win and a loss by Dolphins of Old, which hadn't lost since Week 3. (Remember the graph.) Big Kahuna Burger beat Dolphins 96-81, making it the the third team tied for fourth. All three teams are 6-4, one game out of first place.

The graph didn't change any for PerpetualMotionSquad (seven straight losses now) and Off Constantly was, once again, not beaten. Off Constantly won 105-76 with 19 points from Kelvin Benjamin and 11 from Greg Olsen, possibly the only two players on the Panthers offense worth a hoot.

And that's it for Week 10. There are only four more weeks left in the regular season and six teams are within one game of first place. Should be a fun finish.

This week's Thursday night game is between the Bills and the Dolphins. Teams with a bye in Week 11: Ravens, Cowboys, Jagwires and Jets. Set your lineups accordingly -- ANDY.

Wishing you sure hands and strong ACLs (sorry, Carson Palmer),

Corey
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)