[League Update] Week 2: All of the injuries

I'm writing this on my cellphone while laying on an air mattress in my childhood bedroom. But this blog post will come out before the start of today's games. That's called dedication. I'm definitely giving 110 percent and playing through the whistle.

(OK, I found a desktop so the rest of this will be written there. Full disclosure. Actually, my sister just called me out.)

Injuries are super fun in a 14-team league, am I right? Super fun. Tony Romo broke himself before the season even started, Gronk hasn't played yet, neither has Jamaal Charles. The Patriots are breaking all of their quarterbacks, one-by-one. Then Adrian Peterson, the only shining light in my steaming pile of hot rotting garbage waste of a team, got put on injured reserve. That's just great.

And if you've taken a look at the waiver wire, there ain't a whole lot to get excited about.

Speaking of things to not get excited about, let's take a look at the teams that are still winless: 

- Jeff Fisher's Mullet (see above)
- Watt A Girl Wants (great team name, not so great team so far)
- Cant Be That Hard (Or can it?)
- SugaLumps (who texted me saying that he might actually do worse than his abysmally bad 2-11 record last season).

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the undefeateds: 

- There's no "I" in team (That's called teamwork)
- Blaupunkt (Video entertainment!)
- Muscular Mathletes (I don't know if she just feels bad for me, but I haven't heard much about this at home)
- The Tolbert Report (Who is somehow undefeated despite having the fourth-worst Points For in the league.)

Now on to the awards

The Sad Trombone this week goes to -- yeah, you guessed it -- Jeff Fisher's Mullet, which lost to There's no "I" in team 111-64. But hey, that's better than the 49 last week. Trending in the right direction ...




The highest scorer of the week was Theon's Deflated Balls, which beat Big Kahuna Burger 129-85.

The Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions goes to Academic Probation. Just check this out:

- AP started Austin Seferian-Jenkins (1.4 points) at TE over Julius Thomas (7.1) and lost to Off Constantly by 3.02 points.
- Then the Buccaneers released Serferian-Jenkins Friday.
- Why? Because he got arrested for a second DUI. Talk about poor decisions. Even Jameis Winston is all "SMH" right now.

And the Grumble Grumble Award goes to Cant Be That Hard, which lost to The Tolbert Report 79-73 despite the fact that the aforementioned Winston scored just 4.6 points.

Cant Be That Hard grumbled this to say on the FB page:

"There is a non-zero chance that I'm going to lose to a team quarterbacked by Jameis "4 Picks and a Fumble" Wilson..."

What's wrong with that sentence. Anyone? Anyone?

TEACHERED.

Other scores from Week 2: 

- Blaupunkt beat Dolphins of Old 96-75.
- PerpetualMotionSquad beat Watt a Girl Wants 109-95.
- Muscular Mathletes beat SugaLumps 91-71.

Now it's time for FACEBOOK COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

(That doesn't have quite the same ring as Tweet of the Week, does it?)

It goes to Academic Probation for this gem:

I'm angry because I can't beat Off Constantly - and no one wants my tight end.

Solid gold. That's gonna be hard to beat this season, y'all.

Kickoff is in less than two hours. Get those teams set and let's do it.

We'll end here with another haiku from Watt a Girl Wants:

All the quarterbacks
Are getting hurt left and right
Fingers crossed mine won't