Can you really call it a "Color Rush" jersey when it's all-white? Isn't white the absence of color? Or is that black? I'm a bit rusty on my color theory.
On another note, the Bengals' helmets have to be considered the coolest in the league, right? Hands down.
We're headed into Week 4, people, and this is when stuff starts getting real because, not only is every other player injured (or is that just my team?) but bye weeks start. Hooray! Time to find a 3rd-string running back on the waiver wire and hope he gets a junk-time touchdown.
But before we move into the new week, it's time to look back at the week that was -- Week 3.
These teams are still undefeated:
- There's no "I" in team
- Blaupunkt
- Muscular Mathletes
Now let's take a look at the teams that are still winless after three games:
- Jeff Fisher's Mullet
- Cant Be That Hard
Apparently it can be that hard, for both of us.
But things are looking up for your commish!
The awards
That's right -- I didn't win the Sad Trombone Award this week! That illustrious honor goes to Academic Probation, who scored 57 points in a loss to Theon's Deflated Balls (71 points).
I'd like to point out that AP's score is just 8 points better than the 49 he made fun of me for in Week 1. What goes around comes around ...
The highest scorer this week was SugaLumps, which beat PerpetualMotionSquad 116-79. SUGALUMPS! Way to go! This is just its third win in 16 games. This is a big deal.
The Jameis Winston Award for Poor Decisions goes to Dolphins of Old, which just can't seem to start the right quarterback at the right time. In Week 2, Dolphins started Drew Brees and Ryan Tannehill had a bigger game. So last week Dolphins started Tannehill and Drew Brees was the better quarterback on the day by 7 points, which really hurt since Dolphins lost to Watt A Girl Wants by 1.1 points (94.96-93.86).
The Tolbert Report takes the Grumble Grumble Award this week for two reasons:
1) No love for Kelvin Benjamin. A week after scoring 22 points, the receiver was ignored by Cam Newton and scored 0 points. Seriously, Cam threw to him once. ONCE. Because that seems like a good plan. (Tolbert Report lost to There's no "I" in team 100-80.)
2) The real Tolbert. Mike Tolbert got all grumbly about the service he received at an auto shop this week and decided to teach the shop a lesson by paying his $3,900 car repair bill in coins. Don't mess with the Tolbert.
Other scores from Week 2
- Blaupunkt beat Jeff Fisher's Mullet 88-72. But I was kind of competitive! That's an improvement!
- Big Kahuna Burger beat Cant Be That Hard 102-90. Morgan is super down on his team this year. Will it get any better? For pure entertainment purposes, I hope not.
- Muscular Mathletes 84, Off Constantly 70. Which led to this Facebook comment:
"Muscular mathletes defense has outscored all but one of my players.... Gonna be awkward when Courtney has to answer what she did this weekend to her students..."
There's no TWEET/COMMENT OF THE WEEK because y'all didn't give me anything to work with. This is on y'all.
So let's wrap this bad boy up. The Thursday night game already happened, so I hope you were paying attention to your lineup. Teams on a bye in Week 4: Packers and Eagles.
And once again we'll finish the post with a lovely haiku from Eve:
"As week 3 fades into week 4" (Yeah, she titled this one. Like a pro.)
Won a game at last
This girl mourns for JJ's back
Oh fuck, bye weeks start
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