Once again, I'm writing this update mere hours before the Sunday games kick off. I could make a bunch of excuses, but I won't. I just had meetings Wednesday and Thursday nights, and spent Saturday watching college football (Go Heels). Were those excuses? Oh well.
Like I said, let me know if you want to write this thing one week. I have Morgan marked down for Week 10. Every other week is wide open. Make it your own. Have fun. Use GIFs.
I've gotten to the point in this NFL season where I don't even get mad anymore, I just laugh. I transitioned in the middle of the Monday night Panthers game. Instead of getting mad, I started wondering how they would manage to blow the game. And blow it they did.
I actually set my lineup with the assumption that the Panthers D would be trash, and I was right, and it almost worked. More on that below. Have 1-4 teams made the playoffs? Yes. Do I think this Panthers team will? Not they way it's playing right now.
But here's the upside -- cheap tickets late in the season.
And hey, Stoke City finally won a match in the English Premier League! Things are looking up.
Not that it actually matters, but I just want y'all to know that I've won three straight games in the other league I'm in. So I'm not a total fantasy football idiot.
On to the good stuff.
As I reported last week, we don't have any undefeated teams left in the league, and we still don't have a team alone in first place. This week, Big Kahuna Burger and Blaupunkt are tied for first at 4-1. Five teams are one game back at 3-2: Watt a Girl Wants, There's no "I" in team, Theon's Deflated Balls, Get Off My Dak and Muscular Mathletes (sorry Courtney).
Who will get the first Twitter avatar of the season? Big Kahuna Burger plays Jeff Fisher's Mullet this week (sigh) and Blaupunkt faces Off Constantly.
The rest of the league* is sitting at 2-3, just two games back from first. There's a lot that can still happen.
Oh, what's that asterisk you ask? Let's take a look at the teams that still haven't won after five games.
- Jeff Fisher's Mullet
OK guys, this isn't funny anymore. I want to win. I really want to win. I'm trying, I promise. Anyone want to trade? I'll literally take any starting running back and any No. 1 or No. 2 receiver. I'm not kidding.
We'll talk more about my struggles this week below, in the awards.
The awards
The highest scorer this week was Big Kahuna Burger, which scored 121 points to beat Get Off My Dak in the Williams Bowl 2016. This is the second time BKB has been the highest scorer, also getting that honor in Week 1. And this 121-point performance come just after a 57-point performance in Week 4. But, you see, BKB scored 57 points and won. Remember this when I start ranting below.
via GIPHY
This week's Sad Trombone Award goes to Off Constantly, who scored 48 points in a loss to Dolphins of Old. Wait, let me rephrase that: Dolphins of Old beat Off Constantly 64-48.
The Jameis Winston Award for Poor -- wait, you know what? I've been thinking that we need to change that award. Sure, Jameis made some bad decisions in his past, but he's moved past them and become a pretty good NFL quarterback. So let me see ... who should we replace him with ...
Yep, that makes more sense.
The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to me, Jeff Fisher's Mullet. Y'all, I legitimately could have won this week. Other weeks, I deserved to lose, but this was my week to pull it off. Then I started the wrong Panthers running back. I had been starting Cameron Artis-Payne over Fozzy Whitaker, but in Week 5 I decided to switch it up and start Fozzy, who had been more productive. Fozzy scored 5 points. CAP scored 20. I lost by 13 to Watt A Girl Wants (90-77). Do the math. I'm so angry.
This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to Off Constantly, whose bench -- really, just four players -- outscored his starting lineup by more than 20 points. It also outscored his opponent, Dolphins of Old. I don't normally give two awards to the same team, but this one's deserving -- and the other candidate for this one was the Mullets, which I'll get to in a minute.
Martellus Bennett (24.7), Marcus Mariota (30.5), DeAndre Hopkins (11.6) and Derrick Henry (5.4) combined to score 72.2 points. In Week 4, those same four players combined for like 19 points, so you can't blame Off Constantly for benching them. But you also can't blame him for grumbling.
And while we're grumbling: Look, I know my team is a festering pile of garbage waste lit on fire on a hot, humid day, but I've actually been outscoring teams the past few weeks -- just never the team I'm playing. Which is kind of the point.
But no team that I've played has scored less than 82 points this season. Can't someone pick a bad day to have a bad day when they play me? Please? Big Kahuna Burger? Anyone?
The book of faces
Not as much chatter on the F Book this week, but one little dig stood out, from Academic Probation:
"There's no I in Team" but there is an I in "Carson Palmer was Inactive"
BURN. Academic Probation beat There's no I in team 85-60.
Some other gems:
- "It's 1:26 on Sunday, and Big Kahuna Burger has already scored more points than Jeff Fishers Mullet probably will." -SugaLumps.
- "Idea: next season we do 2 leagues - 1) normal 2) everyone goes Auto Draft." -Academic Probation. (I actually kind of like this idea ... but then I'd have to manage a third team and I don't know if my brain can handle that.)
- "I drafted 4 running backs, including one by accident in the last round. Guess which one is starting for me for the 3rd week in a row? #injuryluck" -Cant Be That Hard. Morgan, still hating his team.
Other scores from Week 5
- Blaupunkt beat SugaLumps 111-80- Cant Be That Hard beat Muscular Mathletes 97-68
- PerpetualMotionSquad beat Theon's Deflated Balls 89-72
And now, we'll sign off as we always do with a haiku from Eve.
"The Best of The Worst"
How can it be that
Just two teams broke 100
And Cor still can't win?
...sigh...
No comments:
Post a Comment