What's with all these Sunday morning games in London? Doesn't the NFL know that weekend mornings are for watching soccer? And let's be real, I'd rather watch the Premier League than a game between the Washington football team and the Bengals. (By the way, make sure to set your lineup for that one.)
Jeremy did a masterful job filling in last week, bringing an energy and bravado that the the league update hasn't seen in months. But he's gone and I'm back which means the league update will return to the morass of negativity and shame and pain.
But let's talk about people who are actually good in this league! At the top, we've still got Big Kahuna Burger at 6-1. Things are spreading out just a bit below BKB, with Watt a Girl Wants and Get Off My Dak at 5-2, and four teams (There's no 'I' in team, Blaupunkt, Theon's Deflated Balls and Muscular Mathletes) tied at 4-3. The rest of the league is at 3-4, except for Academic Probation (2-5) and ... me.
Teams who still haven't won a game through Week 7:
- Jeff Fisher's Mullet. How bad are the Mullets? They've scored a grand total of 419 points this season. The next lowest team? Muscular Mathletes and PerpetualMotionSquad both have 540. Yeah, a gap of 121 points.
You know what I'm going to start doing? I'm going to start telling you about how I'm doing in the league Off Constantly started, because at least there I can feel joy. I'm 5-2 and tied for first in that league after winning 156-107 last week. Wooooooooooooo ...
The Awards
The highest scorer in Week 7 was Theon's Deflated Balls. They beat Blaupunkt 135-81. There were a lot of high scores this week, with There's no 'I' in team, Watt A Girl Wants and Big Kahuna Burger also scoring more than 100 points this week. Maybe one day I'll know what that feels like. (Probably not.)
The Muscular Mathletes got Sad Tromboned this week, scoring 50 points in a loss to Get Off My Dak, 82-50. And I'd just like to say that I was not controlling the Mathletes team in Week 7. That was all her.
The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to Dolphins of Old. Now I have to say, I really struggled to find one this week. Seems like most people picked their best lineup, or lost so bad that it didn't actually matter (raises hand). Dolphins started Cameron Meredith in the W/R spot and he scored 1.2, while Victor Cruz scored 5.5 on the bench. Not a huge difference, but Dolphins lost to Cant Be That Hard 93-91. Oof.
This week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to Academic Probation, mostly because of this Facebook post after losing 123-91 to Big Kahuna Burger.
Pretty good weekend in fantasy - on track to be over my projected - and I'm getting waxed.
-AcademicProbation
:(
New random award I came up with: Most ridiculous headline written by an NFL.com computer. This is where I pick the dumbest of those headlines on the recaps you can find in the Game Center. This week:
heh heh heh heh
Other scores from the week:
- SugaLumps 81, Jeff Fisher's Mullet 60. In a matchup of this year's worst team and last year's worst team ... last year's won easily. Quick Mullet Grumble: I got Jamaal Charles in that trade with Get Off My Dak and I thought, "Finally, a starting RB!" Yeah, he didn't score any points, reaggravated an injury and is out this week. BECAUSE OF COURSE.
- Watt A Girl Wants 111, Off Constantly 61. I'll just use WAGW's Facebook post to recap this one: "Ahh, beating Off Constantly- how I like to spend a Sunday evening at home."
- There's no 'I' in team 128, PerpetualMotionSquad 53. PMS nearly got Sad Tromboned mostly because Sam Bradford reverted back to Sammy Brad of old. Also, Sports Cliche has Jay Ajayi, who is just freakin' crushing it right now. 27 points this week, 32 last.
Morgan Hates Everything
Matt Ryan nearly lost Cant Be That Hard the game after throwing a late pick.
Here are the texts I got from him:
"Matt Ryan is going to cost me another football game"
"I was up, then the fucker threw a pick"
"As a Panthers fan, my constant reliance on Matt Ryan to win fantasy football games is enough to make me want to vomit."
The Book of Faces
Top post, from Get Off My Dak:
Other good stuff:
- i'm shitting my pants knowing i'm up against Mullet - no one wants to be the first against an "0h-fer" fearing the Mullet for vastly different than normal reasons. -Academic Probation. (Really hope we get to bust out the trophy y'all are coming up with.)
- How do I go from losing by 60 one week, and winning by 60 the next?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! -Theon's Deflated Balls
Alright, that's it. No poem this week. A bit of an anticlimactic end.
Oh, Happy Halloween! I should have played up a Halloween theme in this post! Oh well, too late now. I'm not redoing it.
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