Alright, we're going to keep this thing short because I've only got two hours until Sunday kickoff and we've all got things to do, right? Right.
A quick look at the standings shows that the Williams household is running this b****, tied at 8-2. I should probably find an embarrassing picture of both of them to make the Twitter profile picture ... stay tuned.
I would yell about COLLUSION or some mess, but I know they're both too competitive for that to be the case. Unless ... their competitiveness compelled them to team up and beat the rest of the league to get spots in the championship, and then all the winnings go into a shared bank account ... I don't like it. COLLUSION.
Behind the (Trump voice) Colluding Williamses we have Watt A Girl Wants at 7-3, Cant Be That Hard and Theon's Deflated Balls are tied at 6-4 and There's no 'I' in team is sitting in sixth at 5-5.
After that, we have six teams tied at 4-6 and two teams tied at 3-7 bringing up the rear. Yeah, I've won three games in a row and am still sitting in last place.
Including this week, we only have three more weeks left in the regular season, so it's time to look at some playoff projections.
If the playoffs started now, here's how it would look in the Championship Bracket.
And here's how it would look in the consolation bracket.
The only two teams not playing in any playoffs under this scenario would be the two 3-7 squads -- OC and the Mullets. (I forgot that we expanded the playoffs to six teams last year. I actually have a chance to make it in! )
OK, now onto the
Awards
The highest scorer for Week 10 was Watt A Girl Wants with 119 points in a win over There's no 'I' in team, which scored 87.
The Sad Trombone was Muscular Mathletes, for I think the third time this season? I asked Courtney across the table because I don't feel like checking. She wouldn't confirm, but did say "got a damn symphony going over here." So three sounds right. She scored 54 points in a loss to ME. More on that later.
The Johnny Football Award for Poor Decisions goes to PerpetualMotionSquad, which did not pay enough attention to the Jets QB situation and started a not starting Ryan Fitzpatrick. That 0.00 really hurt, especially when Ryan Matthews scores 27 points and you lost by just 18 -- which is exactly what Sam Bradford scored on the bench. Academic Probation won this one 106-88.
And this week's Grumble Grumble Award goes to the whole league, aimed at Watt A Girl Wants. Not only did Eve have the highest dadgum score in the league, she also had 50 points sitting on her bench. Most of us are scrambling to even put a lineup together and she's just letting 50 points chill. SHARE THE WEALTH, EVE. Not cool.
This week's Most Ridiculous Headline Written by an NFL.com Computer:
I know my game has been picked two weeks in a row, but that's just so visceral. And now let me quickly gloat about Inscoe House Bowl 2016. I WON!!! WOOOOOOOOOO. Actually, there wasn't much gloating. Last week was full of Ls, with the Tar Heels being dumb in Durham and the Panthers Panthering like only the Panthers can -- and watching the game in the stands with my mom and step-dad -- two big Chiefs fans. I was so salty. The only redeeming thing of the weekend was that the Mullets came through again. But it felt hollow, knowing that it was just another L in a long line of Ls for Courtney ....
... BUT I WOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!
Other scores from Week 10
- Theon's Deflated Balls 94, Off Constantly 84: David won this at least in part because Cairo Santos made all of his field goals, including the game winner against the Panthers. Bittersweet.
- Cant Be That Hard 105, SugaLumps 92: SugaLumps made two mistakes here: Trusting the Panthers defense and starting Bryant over HausChakaKhan in the kicking game.
- Big Kahuna Burger 78, Dolphins of Old 62: BKB overcame a not-so-Tom-Brady-esque Tom Brady performance to get back to her winning ways.
- Get Off My Dak 97, Blaupunkt 64: Probably no one in the world was more excited to hear that Dak Prescott would keep his starting job than Jeremy. The season could be totally different if Big Jerry jumps back on the Tony Romo train.
The Book of Faces
As Academic Probation pointed out, "This site is awfully quiet when Mullet is winning." It is, sir. It is indeed. So we're going to use this section for some #analysis, brought to us by Get Off My Dak.
He writes: "Here is a thought...this could be the first time ever the league saw a champion repeat. I will probably get blown out by Eve this week (that's just Watt she does) but I still have a strong case for making the playoffs."
This is true. We talked about it early on, but this is true. Not only has no one ever won back to back championships, but no team has won two championships in the history of the league. GOMD (then known as Free Crab Legs) won it last season, and also won the regular season title last year.
Jeremy is the only player to have ever won the regular season twice (back in 2012 as Correctamundo, but he lost in the championship game).
The closest a defending champion has ever come to winning it again was when the first RWC champion, Sergio, finished third in 2012.
On the other end of the spectrum, the worst finish by a defending champion was by Blaupunkt, who finished 13th in 2013. We call that Panthering.
No poem from Eve this week, probably because I didn't even post about it until a couple of hours ago. My fault, not hers.
UPDATE: After publication, Eve sent in a poem. Enjoy.
Better late than never.
A haiku by Eve (and Kelly)
If Corey had been
On top of of his shit this week
Y'all'd have a haiku.
Boom. Done an hour before kickoff. Enjoy the games, everybody!
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